Breathe You In
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Doug and Walker gravitated towards each other through mutual loneliness and emptiness, but now it's something much more than that.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Doug and Walker gravitated towards each other through mutual loneliness and emptiness, but now it's something much more than that.

A/N: I'm not really sure where this come from but I hope people like it :) I may write some more on it because I didn't realise how much I enjoyed writing these two as a pairing.

Breathe You In

Doug laid on his stomach, resting his chin on his crossed arms. There was a shadow behind him but he dared not turn his head just yet. He felt the smooth body lie across the length of him; slender fingers digging into his waist and reaching around him. He raised himself off of the bed and allowed the intrusive fingers to grip their target.

He felt lips at his throat and the tickle of hair across his cheek. Walker's breath ghosted across his face, breathing life into him. He was pulled upright, Walker's other arm holding him in place across his chest. His hand was careful, meticulous even, as it worked Doug to full arousal. Doug leaned back against him, allowing Walker to support all of his weight. He loved holding Doug like this; he scarcely slackened his grip throughout.

Doug felt Walker's arm shift as his hand drifted to Doug's hair, running his fingers through it gently. His lips were now at the point below his ear, barely a caress as they grazed his skin. Doug closed his eyes, taking in the invasion of his body like a dream, hardly daring to breathe in case Walker decided to stop.

"You like that, sweetheart?" Walker whispered into his ear, his hand ghosting down Doug's body, now resting at his hip.

"Yes." Doug choked out, hardly aware how distorted his voice must sound.

"You want me to…?" Walker's hand moved around to squeeze Doug's arse cheek. Doug nodded against him, not trusting himself to speak. "I'm going to need a bit more than that, Doug." Walker said his name in that pronounced way, relishing the sound of it on his lips. Doug felt a shiver ripple through him as he opened his mouth to confirm what Walker already knew.

"Yes. Please, Walker."

"Call me Simon." Walker whispered. "Over and over again as I do this…" his fingers stroked against Doug's entry.

Doug gulped, throwing his head back onto Walker's shoulder. "Okay, Simon." He whispered throatily. "Anything else?"

Walker paused in his movements. "You topped up the lubricant like I told you to?"

Doug glanced up at him. "Yeah, course."

They had been doing this for a while now. It hadn't started off conventionally, but Doug was done with convention. Now Walker would come over most nights and lock Doug's bedroom door and they would do this, and Doug would remember what it feels like to be alive.

"Good boy." Walker said smoothly, reaching behind him for the item in question. Doug heard him pour some onto his fingers and he felt himself flush in anticipation. Walker's fingers were gentle as they prised and coaxed him open. He whispered encouraging words against Doug's skin, his other hand still holding his cock and stroking at a slow pace. Doug could feel Walker's own erection pressed against his leg and he practically hummed with the thought of how it would feel inside.

"Simon…" Doug let out a long breath.

"What is it, lover?"

"Will you stay tonight?"

Doug pursed his lips shut. He hated to ask but every time they did this and Walker left him afterwards was like a gush of cold air. He'd seen Ste and Brendan in the village today and they'd seemed so… happy. It had been a long time and he didn't feel the same as he did a few months ago, but still something ached in him. He knew Walker wasn't the type to settle down and Doug wasn't sure he wanted that either, not anymore. But he wanted _something. _This thing they shared had gone beyond comfort now, beyond drowning in each other's misery. He found himself thinking of Walker when he wasn't around. He'd often gaze into the distance at work and think about him. Not only how good his hands felt on Doug, but the man himself. Long, beautiful hair and high cheekbones. The way his lips felt against Doug's, how utterly ruthless he was and yet how kind he was to Doug. He didn't raise his voice to him, he treated him like he was something incredibly precious. He watched him from the shadows, Doug knew that. He couldn't tell anyone he knew where he was, and he made Walker promise to be good, to stay away from the rest. And he did. That level of trust and honesty opened more doors than Doug had ever experienced. Not only sexually but in his heart too, broken more times than he cared to admit.

"Of course I will, lover. You only needed to ask." Walker said softly, just like that. He removed his hand from Doug's cock to hold him in place once more as he guided himself towards Doug's entry. "You ready?"

Doug nodded against him, not bracing himself this time. Walker pushed himself inside, inch by glorious inch. Doug couldn't believe it sometimes how he lived without this feeling; the way he felt completely invaded and filled and yet so content. Walker began at a slow pace but eventually he increased his movements, his growls guttural and intense. Doug felt a low hum in the back of his throat as his body thrummed with pleasure.

Walker liked him to be vocal. They had the flat to themselves thankfully so Doug was able to let rip. He repeated Walker's name over and over again. It seemed to spur Walker on further. Sometimes he would laugh manically and Doug would feel a thrill of fear shoot through him but Walker would always soothe the darkness away.

He gripped himself in his hand, delirious with pleasure and the way their hot, flushed bodies moulded together. He could feel the build up to his orgasm already and begged Walker to not be gentle anymore. Walker took heed of his request and pounded into him relentlessly.

"Sweetheart, you're so tight."

Doug panted, unable to think of a suitable reply. He'd learnt a lot from Walker; learnt how to make him crazy with need and desire. Without having to think about it, he escaped Walker's grip and balanced himself on his hands, moving back on Walker's cock at his own pace. He inclined his head in time to see Walker close his eyes delightedly, stroking his thumbs over the skin on Doug's arse.

"Perfect." Walker breathed, his voice low. Doug continued his movements, overwhelmed by the intensity of the sensation. It wasn't long before Walker was pulling out of him, flipping him onto his back so he could re-position himself. He entered Doug once more, staring into his eyes, black with desire. "Are you mine, Doug?"

It was a simple question really, and one Doug didn't quite know how to answer.

"I…" he trailed off uncertainly. He'd never felt like this before; cherished, wanted. Walker was a frightening man, certainly, but a part of Doug simply didn't care. He wanted to be Walker's, he didn't want anyone else. "Yes." he said, his voice rasping. "If you want me to be."

"Of course, lover." Walker ducked his head to claim his lips, his tongue darting into his mouth. He cradled his face with both hands, setting his pace once more. Now it felt a lot more intimate. Doug was overwhelmed suddenly, unsure if he was ready for such a thing, but his panic was interrupted by Walker's hand on his cock bringing him to climax. He shuddered violently, clinging to Walker like his life depended on it. Walker tensed around him, riding out his own orgasm. Afterwards he held him for a while, soothing him until his breathing returned to normal.

He withdrew slowly, collapsing onto the other side of the bed. Both of them were sweating but giddy with exultation. Doug curled around him reflexively, brushing Walker's sweaty hair back from his face. Walker smiled at him, toothy and scary.

"You're a dear little thing, aren't you?"

Doug shrugged. "You tell me." He said, circling Walker's nipples with the tip of his finger.

"If you weren't, I wouldn't be spending the night."

"Yes you would." Doug grinned. "You might get more in the morning."

"Hardly the reason." Walker sighed, his splayed fingers stroking Doug's side absently. "Is it hard, Doug? Keeping this quiet?"

"I guess." Doug shrugged.

"But it's worth it?" Walker asked teasingly.

"Fishing for compliments, are we?" Doug sighed. "It is though, by the way."

"You've really not told anyone?"

"Who would I tell?" Doug asked, blinking in confusion. "Besides, I've had enough of all that drama. I just want a quiet life."

"Oh, lover you chose the wrong man then." Walker laughed, squeezing him.

"Maybe. Oh well." Doug rested his head on Walker's chest. He shivered a little. "I should clean myself up…"

"Allow me." Walker said, jumping out of bed easily and walking naked to the bathroom. He came back with a wet flannel and one of Doug's jumpers. "Here you go." He said, throwing them to him. He went over to his trouser pocket as Doug cleaned himself up, slipping the jumper over his head. Walker was staring at his phone, engrossed.

"Who is it?" Doug asked, his eyebrows pinched together.

"No one important." Walker said briskly, throwing it back onto his pile of clothes. He looked Doug over and smiled sweetly. "You look ravishing in that."

"Really?" Doug blushed, rubbing the fabric between his fingertips. "Ste was never that keen on-"

"Doug," Walker said sternly. "Don't mention him, not here."

"Sorry." Doug said quickly, realising his error. "I don't feel that way anymore, we're just friends now."

"Glad to hear it." Walker said, his relaxed smile back in place. He hopped back onto the bed, drawing Doug close once more. "So, why the nightcap, hm?"

"Just thought it would be nice."

"Nice?" Walker grinned, stroking Doug's hair.

"Well, maybe nice is the wrong word…"

"It's fine. You've never asked before though."

"Maybe I've only just plucked up the courage." Doug said reasonably.

"You don't have to be nervous with me." Walker said.

"I know." Doug reached up to comb his fingers through Walker's hair. His fingers snagged on a knot. "Ugh, you need another brush."

Walker sat up, handing Doug the comb from the bedside drawer. "Go nuts."

Doug took the offered comb with hesitant fingers. He'd only done this a few times. Once he'd even had to brush through the blood in his hair. He hadn't dared ask how it had gotten that way. That was a while ago though, when they'd first started out. Doug had realised then that things wouldn't exactly be plain-sailing, but he hadn't cared. He was hardly going to send Walker away.

"Would you come away with me, if I asked?" Walker asked calmly.

"Why, are you going somewhere?" Doug felt his chest tighten in fear.

"No. But if I had to?"

Doug pondered this. "Maybe. I haven't exactly got a lot to stay around for."

"I'd take good care of you." Walker promised solemnly.

"I know." Doug replied, a little breathlessly.

"It's no matter now." Walker closed his eyes like a contented cat. "Continue."

Doug brushed his hair until the golden strands were smooth and soft. He put the comb down and laid back against the pillows once more.

"It's pretty late."

"Are you tired?"

"Not really." Doug admitted. Walker smiled, drawing Doug close by curling his arms underneath him.

"Do you trust me?" Walker asked, his voice soft like velvet.

"Of course." Doug answered shakily.

"I have to leave for an hour or so. Business. Will you keep the bed warm for me?"

"You said you'd stay." Doug said, trying not to sound petulant.

"And I will, lover. This is just really important. I promise I'll come back."

Doug sighed. "Okay, I'll stay up."

"Good lad." Walker kissed his forehead, breathing him in. "Won't be long."

Doug watched him get dressed. He pulled on some pyjama bottoms and reached for the television remote.

"Don't miss me too much." Walker grinned, sweeping out of the room.

Xxx

Walker returned two hours later, shaking and dirty. Doug had given him a key a while ago so he let himself in. He took a shower first before slipping back into Doug's bedroom. He'd fallen asleep with the television on. Walker smiled, reaching for the remote carefully, trying not to wake him. He watched the boy sleep, his chest tightening with how perfect he looked. He hadn't meant to fall this hard, but there it was. Any plans he'd put in motion had to accommodate him, and if Walker had to flee, Doug would have to come with him. He certainly couldn't live without him now.

He slid underneath the bed covers, pulling Doug against him. He stirred enough to realise it was Walker holding him and then relaxed back into sleep. His time with Doug felt like a million miles away from his other life. If he could he'd stay with him and forget everything else but it was never that easy. After a long night he was exhausted. He buried his face in Doug's hair, smelling him, tasting him. He was glad they were sleeping together now; it never felt right leaving him. He breathed him in one more time before he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Doug awoke the next morning with a warm body draped over him. It took him a moment to remember who it was but once he had he found himself shifting a little under Walker's weight. This seemed to rouse him from sleep because next thing he knew, he was being pinned to the bed.

"Morning, lover."

"Hello." Doug said hoarsely, aware that he must have morning breath. He kept his mouth tightly shut.

"What's the matter?" Walker asked gently, stroking long, elegant fingers through his hair.

"I must look a mess." Doug confessed, sheepish smile on his face.

"You look beautiful." Walker said sincerely. "Would you like some breakfast? I'd be happy to make you some."

Doug felt himself blushing. It was bizarre seeing Walker like this, almost… _domestic. _

"The girls might be home."

"Oh, of course." Walker looked slightly disappointed; at least Doug thought so, it was difficult to tell.

"I can check?" Doug offered hopefully.

"Alright." Walker smiled, leaning forwards to kiss his forehead. "Firstly, however…"

His hands drifted up Doug's sides underneath the covers, eventually finding their way to his neck, stroking the soft skin there as he brought their lips together in a searing kiss.

Walker didn't give him time for vanity; his tongue pushed deep inside, claiming Doug's with a fervour Doug had never experienced before. His hands drifted lower once more, unashamedly touching every inch of skin he could find. Just as he was drifting to Doug's arse cheeks, there was a loud banging downstairs.

"Shit." Doug breathed, his heart rate already increasingly high.

"Doug!" A voice drifted through his letterbox, loud and annoyingly persistent. "It's me, Ste! Where are you?"

Doug squeezed his eyes shut. He turned his head to look at the clock. "Fuck, is that the time?"

He pushed himself out of Walker's grip with great difficultly.

"In a minute, Ste!" He called downstairs. "I'm late for work." He added unhelpfully to Walker.

"I see that." Walker replied coldly.

"Oh don't be like that, please." Doug quickly threw his deli uniform on.

"What am I being like?" Walker asked, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Jealous, grumpy, you name it!"

"I thought we could have a nice morning together."

"We could have had a nice night together if you hadn't left me." Doug retorted, immediately regretting his words. "Look, I'm sorry. I just don't want Ste getting suspicious."

"You still love him." Walker said, his voice dead-sounding.

"No! I don't. Only as a friend," Doug insisted. "Just, you did try to shoot him!"

Walker's lips quirked into an odd little smile that made Doug's blood run cold.

"I have to go." Doug said quickly. "You can stay here if you want."

"We'll see." Walker's expression softened then. He must have realised he'd done the wrong thing. He grasped Doug's wrist, smoothing his fingers over his pulse. "I'm sorry, lover. I'll make us something for dinner tonight, how's that?"

"Okay." Doug said, still a little shaken. "That'd be nice, thank you." He made to leave but Walker didn't let go.

"Don't I get a kiss?"

Doug smiled then, still feeling a little nervous. "Course." He kissed him briefly on the lips but Walker drew him closer, tasting him. It was almost as though he wanted the kiss to be a reminder all day. Knowing Walker, that was most likely true.

"You took your time!" Ste said when he'd finally gotten to the door.

"Yeah sorry, I overslept."

"I was worried, me." Ste said, sighing. He suddenly looked at Doug carefully. "Why are you looking so flushed?"

"Why are you?" Doug answered and Ste blushed, dropping the subject.

Xxx

Walker left Doug's an hour after he'd gone. He went by his hidey-hole for fresh clothes and decided on a pair of sunglasses to walk through the village. He had to be incredibly careful; he had a particular spot opposite the deli where he would sometimes watch Doug working. Today he took immense pleasure in seeing how distracted Doug was; how he kept touching his neck where Walker had held him and brushing his fingers over his lips as if remembering their kiss.

It had gotten uncomfortable earlier, mentioning the attempt on Ste's life. When Doug had first seen Walker he had launched himself at him in a rage, calling him every name under the sun. Walker deserved it, he knew that. Not only had he inadvertently pushed Ste towards Brendan, he had also accidentally killed Doug's best friend.

He remembered it like it was yesterday and even now the memory of it brought a grim smile to his lips.

"_You need to leave!__"__ Doug screamed at him, attempting to close the door in his face. _

"_I can__'__t do that, Doug.__"__ Walker said calmly. __"__I came here to explain myself.__"_

"_Why do you care?__"__ Doug shouted. __"__You don__'__t care about anyone except yourself!__"_

"_That__'__s not entirely true, actually.__"__ Walker said, his throat closing up. He hadn__'__t meant to but somehow his hand drifted into his pocket. __"__This is Cam, my brother.__"_

_Doug stared at him in some confusion. __"__What about him?__"_

"_He__'__s dead.__"__ Walker said, his voice hollow. __"__He dealt drugs for Brendan, and overdosed.__"_

_Doug paused as he let this sink in. __"__And you blamed Brendan?__"_

"_Why wouldn__'__t I?__"__ Walker asked. _

_Doug shrugged, looking a little anxious for Walker__'__s response. __"__I dealt drugs for Brendan once. I even overdosed.__"_

_Walker__'__s expression darkened. __"__That man is poison.__"_

"_No, Walker.__"__ Doug said calmly. __"__I was like you once; I blamed Brendan for everything that went wrong in my life. But sometimes you have to hold your hands up and admit that you__'__re the only person responsible for what happens to you. We all have a choice.__"_

"_He doesn__'__t make it easy.__"_

_Doug laughed. __"__No, he really doesn__'__t. But I__'__m done with all that. Me and Ste are done and I__'__ve never felt better. If you just let it go, you__'__d feel better too.__"_

"_I don__'__t think I can.__"__ Walker admitted. __"__And Doug, I never meant to__…__ with your friend.__"_

_Doug looked at the floor, chewing on his bottom lip. __"__I know it was an accident.__"_

"_It wasn__'__t personal to Ste either, I just-__"_

"_I don__'__t want your excuses, Walker.__"__ Doug said firmly. __"__It__'__s done now. I__'__ve lost too much, too many people.__"_

_Walker found his eyes drawn to a picture on Doug__'__s mantelpiece of him and Lynsey. His chest hurt all of a sudden, but he daren__'__t voice any more. _

"_I just wanted to say sorry. I didn__'__t have any problem with you, and you did help.__"_

"_It was a mistake.__"__ Doug said. __"__But I appreciate you coming here.__"__ His expression flashed suddenly. __"__You haven__'__t come to hurt them have you?__"_

"_Brendan and Ste?__"_

"_Yeah, you must know they__'__re together now.__"_

"_Yes.__"__ Walker said succinctly. He stared into Doug__'__s clear blue eyes. __"__I__'__m not here to hurt anyone.__"_

"_Good.__"__ Doug said firmly. __"__In that case, I accept your apology.__"_

Thinking back, Walker wasn't sure what had compelled him to visit Doug. He remembered watching him as he went home, alone and carrying shopping bags. Brendan and Ste had passed him by, smiling and laughing together. Doug hadn't even reacted to them, simply held his head up high. Walker had been intrigued; had wondered what kind of man had that level of strength after everything he had been through.

When he had first met Doug he had been pliable, easily manipulated by his emotions. Now he was stronger from his experiences and simply wanted to move on. They'd leaned on each other sometimes, developed an uneasy friendship. Doug had never forgiven him for Riley, or for what he had done to Ste and Declan. But he gradually warmed to Walker's presence. Even though he brought with him a lot of dark memories, somehow being near him made Doug more determined to continue with his life. At least that was what he'd told him.

"_Walker, I need you to promise me something.__"__ Doug said, staring at him from across the kitchen counter. He let Walker eat at the flat sometimes. It wasn__'__t easy being a ghost. _

"_What is it?__"_

"_Promise me you won__'__t hurt anyone.__"__ Doug said seriously. _

"_Doug, what-__"_

"_I__'__ve let you into my life because I can see you aren__'__t heartless. I want to believe my trust in you isn__'__t misguided, you__'__ve been nothing but honest with me. So please, promise me.__"_

"_Why is it important to you?__"__ Walker asked curiously, moving around the counter to get closer to Doug. That was when he__'__d seen it, the look in his eye. __"__Oh.__"__ He was rarely speechless but this revelation near winded him. _

"_I like you.__"__ Doug said sheepishly. He looked at the floor, embarrassed. Walker felt his heart hammering in his chest. He never let anyone in; it was weakness. He wouldn__'__t be like Brendan. He couldn__'__t be like him. And yet, he found himself drifting towards Doug as if pulled by an invisible force. _

"_I like you too.__"__ Walker said, surprising even himself. He should have realised when he__'__d first came here that there was something in the boy that drew him in. _

_Doug looked up in surprise, his blue eyes unblinking in their intensity. Walker was the one to close the distance between them; he gathered Doug up in his arms effortlessly, kissing him fiercely. He knew already that Doug had never been kissed like this before, with such purpose. He was breathless by the time Walker pulled away. _

_Looking at his parted lips and flushed cheeks, that was the moment Walker realised he was falling in love with him. _

He watched him now with interest, waiting for him to take his break. At one point when Doug dropped something on the floor and struggled to retrieve it, Walker almost moved out of his hiding place to help him. He froze when he saw someone approach the deli. Brendan.

He'd seen him a few times. He came in most days for his lunch. Doug served him without comment, went out the back as Ste went to join Brendan while he ate. Sometimes he wondered if he was imagining the way Doug would look out to his hiding place, his gaze intent.

Today Brendan walked in and helped himself to a few samples. Walker watched as Ste's face lit up at the sight of him. He didn't know how it made him feel. It was only when he saw Doug step outside and check his phone, obviously reading the message Walker had sent him earlier about picking up some steak for dinner, did he see Doug's own face light up similarly, a small smile on his lips as he punched in a reply. Walker felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

_Can__'__t wait to see you. D x_

It was ridiculous to get choked up over a text message but Walker couldn't help himself. He would make it special for them tonight, to make up for earlier.

Before Doug went back inside the deli, he looked over at Walker's hiding place. He couldn't possibly know, could he? Doug smiled in his direction, giving the briefest of nods. He went back inside without further insinuation.

Xxx

Doug declined the offer of going to the SU bar for drinks with Leanne and Texas, secretly pleased that it meant they would be out of the flat. He opened his door, immediately overwhelmed with a delicious smell. Walker was there by the stove in an apron, smiling as he flipped the steaks over.

"You're home." He said happily.

"I am." Doug said, taking his coat off.

"Good day?"

"Yeah." Doug said uncertainly. "You didn't have to do all this." Doug gestured to the laid table. There was a bottle of wine in the middle. "How did you afford all this?"

Walker's expression changed. "My job yesterday."

Doug looked away, not asking anymore questions. "I'll just go take a shower."

"Wait." Walker walked towards him, smoothing his thumb over Doug's cheek. "Do you forgive me for leaving you last night, lover?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Doug said airily. "It's been a long day, that's all."

"You don't have to work you know, I can get us money." Walker said eagerly.

"No." Doug said, sharper than he intended. "I mean, I like working. I spent too long doing nothing, it feels good."

"Even with him?" Walker asked, his expression darkening.

"We're friends." Doug sighed, repeating himself for perhaps the hundredth time. "He's happy, I'm happy."

"You are?" Walker asked, a delighted little smile on his face. "With me?"

"Do you see anyone else?"

Walker kissed him then, hard on the mouth.

"The steaks-" Doug protested but Walker silenced him with his lips.

"They'll keep." He whispered throatily. "Let's get you cleaned up."

He half carried him upstairs to the bathroom. With one swift motion he turned the hot water on, stripping Doug of his sticky clothes in another. His hands raked over his body, leaving no crevice untouched. Doug moulded himself to Walker's slim frame, feeling himself pressed against the shower wall, Walker's hands still all over him.

The warmth and wetness of the shower certainly helped move things along quicker. In no time at all Doug was spread against the tiles, Walker driving into him in one fluid motion. He kissed and nibbled on his neck as he fucked him, their groans reverberating around the small bathroom. Doug could feel the tightness in his stomach, the overwhelming pressure against his skin and something else, undefined. It was only when he felt Walker's body tense and release did it come into being.

"I love you." Walker breathed against his skin. Moments later Doug was climaxing, gripping the wall with his fingernails and crying out.

He took several deep breaths to right himself. He wasn't sure he was ready for what came next. He was broken really, damaged goods. How could a man like Walker desire him so fiercely, love him so truly? How could Doug accept that love, knowing all the bad things Walker had done? And yet he knew no matter what his head was telling him, his heart was lifting at Walker's words. His lips formed the reply before his mind had really caught up with him.

"I love you too." He said shakily. He made sure he was facing him, was prepared for the way Walker grabbed his face and kissed him and held him like he was the most precious thing on earth. The truth was they were both lonely souls, damaged, and somehow they had found each other. Whether it was right or wrong Doug simply didn't care. For once he didn't want to be right, he simply wanted to feel.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Walker didn't sleep well that night. Once Doug had drifted off he spent a long time watching him sleep. The silent rise and fall of his chest soothed Walker more than anything else could. It was official now; Doug was his. There was no turning back.

He slipped out of bed and went downstairs to the living room. It was eerily quiet. Doug's annoying friends had already gone to bed. They'd finished off the steak they hadn't managed to eat while Walker had hid upstairs. It was frustrating sometimes, being such an important member of Doug's life and no one knowing about it. Walker wasn't stupid; he knew it would be incredibly dangerous to reveal himself. But there were times when he would watch Doug laugh and smile with his friends and his chest would tighten. He wanted to make Doug feel that relaxed and happy and yet somehow there was always an edge when they were together. Doug was a smart kid after all; he knew Walker couldn't offer him any security. Perhaps that had been part of the appeal to begin with. Walker feared it wouldn't last.

"What are you doing down here?" Doug's voice ghosted over him.

He turned to him, smiling grimly. "Thinking."

"You're crying!" Doug said in astonishment. He rushed forwards, wrapping his arms around Walker's waist. "What's the matter?"

"It's nothing, lover." Walker said, shaking the hair out of his eyes. He hadn't even realised that tears were falling.

"It must be something!" Doug insisted, pressing his lips against Walker's shoulder. "Please tell me."

Walker looked up at him, right into those beautiful blue eyes of his. "I'd hate to trouble you, sweetheart."

"Hey," Doug said softly, tentatively brushing his hand across Walker's cheek. "We're in this together now, right?"

"Right." Walker agreed, fixing a smile onto his face. Doug smiled at him, brushing his tears away. Walker found himself leaning into the touch, drawing Doug closer for a kiss. It was tender, much softer than their usual kisses.

"Let's get back to bed, yeah?"

"Okay." Walker agreed, allowing Doug to take him by the hand. They slid back into bed effortlessly, Doug wrapping himself around Walker tightly as though trying to protect him from his dark thoughts. Walker buried his face in Doug's shoulder, inhaling him.

"Night, Walker." Doug whispered, kissing his neck.

"Goodnight, Doug." Walker whispered back, giving him a gentle squeeze.

He supposed if he was nearing the end, this was the right way to go.

Xxx

When Doug awoke the next morning it was to an empty bed. He rolled over, groaning and rubbing at his face. He needed a shave before work and maybe another shower. His stomach tingled as he thought of yesterday's shower, his senses dulled when Leanne came pounding on his door.

"Wake up, sleepy head!"

"I'm up!" Doug hollered back, throwing his legs out of the bed.

He went off to work in a bad mood. His head was pounding for some reason and he desperately needed a coffee. It didn't help that he was immediately confronted with Brendan when he walked through the door.

"Douglas." He greeted him mildly.

Doug grunted at him, going straight to the coffee machine.

Ste was leaning against the counter, his hand on Brendan's waist.

"You were saying?" He asked quietly.

Brendan glanced over at Doug. Doug made his coffee and held up his hand.

"I'm out." He said, slipping out the back door. He paused on the way when he heard a familiar name.

"Where's Walker then?" Ste asked. Doug froze.

"I don't know, Steven. My contacts could only tell me he's around."

"Your contacts? What you on about?" Ste asked tersely.

"Steven-"

"No, listen. I don't want you mixed up with anyone who has anything to do with _him.__"_

"I told ye, they were just giving me a heads up."

"I don't like it." Ste said stubbornly. Doug peered around the door. He saw Ste cross his arms.

"What would you have me do, hm? I can't risk him surprising me, coming after ye. I won't."

"I know but-"

"Steven." Brendan said seriously, taking Steven's face in his hands. "I won't let him hurt ye, never again."

"And he won't!" Ste said, but he sounded unsure.

"I'll kill him before he does." Brendan promised, his eyes glittering dangerously.

Doug gulped, closing the door quietly behind him. His breathing came hard, ragged. He couldn't believe that Walker would be stupid enough to mix with people who knew Brendan. Did he want to get found out? Doug considered that carefully, it was impossible to tell.

He fumbled into his pocket for his phone, hesitating as he opened a new message. What could he say? He didn't want to risk Walker freaking out and doing something stupid. As much as he hated Brendan, he didn't want him to get hurt. And Ste… no, he didn't want that either, twice as much. Instead he took a careful approach.

_Can we meet soon? Miss you. D x_

His phone buzzed almost straight away.

_Of course. Alleyway, 12 o__'__clock. W x_

Doug breathed a sigh of relief. He'd have to make sure he took the early break. He stepped back inside. Brendan was still there, staring at Ste as though he would never get bored of him. Since dealing with Walker, Doug was starting to understand more and more what love could be like. It wasn't always safe and warm; sometimes it was raw and intense and threatened to shatter you into a million pieces. It was also exciting, unpredictable. He was beginning to realise why Ste had wanted all of that, despite the dangers.

"Do you want anything to drink, Brendan?" Doug offered. The two men turned to him in astonishment. It was rare to take Brendan Brady by surprise.

"Yeah, sure." He said carefully. "Three sugars."

"No," Ste interjected. "Just one." He gave Brendan an amused look and the way Brendan's face smoothed out made him look so much younger. Doug smiled to himself.

"You're the boss, Ste."

Xxx

Walker paced around the alleyway in agitation. He had to keep disguising himself in the shadows whenever someone passed. Doug was ten minutes late and counting. Eventually he came jogging up, out of breath.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get away."

Walker took him into his arms immediately, kissing him fiercely. "What is it? I was so worried."

"What? Why?" Doug's eyes flashed with fear.

"You never ask to meet during the day. What is it? Tell me, Doug."

Doug breathed out, steadying himself. "Brendan knows you're here." He said quietly. "Please don't freak out."

Walker breathed out through his nose, processing this information. "He's sure?" He asked eventually.

"Well, not exactly. One of his contacts-"

"Oh, him." Walker bit out. Doug's looked at him reproachfully. "I won't do anything, I promised, remember?"

"You need to stay away from people who know Brendan. Keep below the radar."

"Yes." Walker said distractedly. He turned to Doug sharply. "He doesn't know about us though?"

"No! Of course not."

Walker sighed in relief. "Good. That would be… bad."

"Why?" Doug asked curiously.

"I tried to kill the love of his life, what do you think he'd do if he knew I had you?"

"He wouldn't hurt me." Doug said, his voice unwavering.

Walker felt anger flooding through him. He pushed Doug against the wall, their faces inches apart. "You don't _like_ him now, do you?"

"Don't be ridiculous! I just meant Ste would never forgive him."

"Like he'd care."

"Walker!" Doug shoved against Walker's chest. "You have no idea what he's capable of! He'd do anything for Ste."

"Anything?" Walker's mind reeled with the possibilities.

"If you're going to break your promise…" Doug said sternly.

Walker came back to himself. "No, I wouldn't."

"Good. I have to go back."

"Doug-"

"We'll talk later." Doug said, turning his face away. Walker kicked the wall in agitation when he was out of sight.

Xxx

"Doug?" Ste asked in that lilting way he did.

"Yeah?" Doug answered, counting through the money in the till.

"Is something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Doug looked up in surprise. "Like what?"

"You were acting dead weird this morning, with Brendan."

Doug smiled then, glad he didn't have to lie. "I've just accepted he's gonna be around a lot, that's all. Might as well be civil."

Ste narrowed his eyes. "Really?"

"If he makes you happy, Ste. He does, doesn't he?" Doug asked cautiously.

"Yes!" Ste replied, his voice high. "I mean, sorry."

"It's fine." Doug waved his hand dismissively.

Ste relaxed, a big grin settling on his face. "Hey, you know, we could go out to a bar sometime, me and you. We could find you someone."

Doug almost snorted out loud. "Brendan would hate that."

"I'd only be going for you!"

"Yeah and you'd get all the looks!" Doug said, rolling his eyes.

"Don't put yourself down, Doug. There's someone out there for you."

"Mr Right." Doug laughed. "Thanks for the offer, Ste. I'll think about it." Think about how to say no that is.

"Great!" Ste smiled, satisfied with himself. "Hey you don't mind if I shoot off early do you? Leah's got this play at school and… hey you could come? If you wanted?"

"Won't Brendan be going?"

Ste flushed. "Yeah, he's been dead good helping her with her lines."

"I'm glad to hear it." Doug said, and oddly he meant it. "But someone really ought to be here. Tell her I said good luck though."

"I will do, thanks." Ste went to serve a customer then, a bounce in his step. Sometimes he was like an over excitable puppy, even more so now him and Brendan were together. It didn't even make Doug feel sad anymore, knowing how much happier Ste was now. He really had moved on.

A few hours after Ste had left for the play, Doug was just finishing clearing up when someone entered.

"We're closed!" He said without turning. When they didn't reply, he turned. "Walker!" He said, shocked. "You can't be here!"

"I had to see you." Walker said, rushing towards him. "I can't bear you being angry with me."

"I'm not, not really. You just… worry me sometimes." Doug admitted, allowing Walker to hold him steady by the waist.

"Scare you, more like."

"Well, that too." Doug laughed a little. "I just need to know you won't be doing anything silly, like going after Brendan."

"I said I wouldn't, didn't I?" Walker was agitated.

"I know but-"

"I don't break promises, Doug." He said severely. "You know that."

Doug sighed, relaxing into his arms. "I suppose so. You really shouldn't be here though."

Walker smirked then, pulling Doug towards him by the waist. "You said it yourself, you're closed."

"Still…" Doug said uncertainly. His thoughts were cut off when Walker pressed his lips against his, almost knocking him backwards. He found himself pushed against the deli counter, Walker's hardness against his thigh, his hands tangled in his hair. "Not here." Doug whispered against his lips. "We can go home."

"I can't wait that long. I've missed you."

"Walker…"

Walker kissed him again, his hands trailing down Doug's body. "Please." He rubbed him through his trousers. Doug already felt himself giving in. The friction between their clothed bodies was overwhelming. Walker's lips and tongue were everywhere, tasting him, devouring him. He continued to rub him mercilessly through his trousers until Doug reached the point of no return, astonished at himself that he could come from Walker's hands alone.

"Let's get you home." Walker breathed against his ear. Doug nodded eagerly, flinging his apron on the counter. He stood on his tiptoes, wrapping his arms around Walker's neck and giving him another kiss.

Before he knew what was happening, there was the opening of a door, a gasp, and the unmistakeable feeling that life was just about to offer another deafening blow.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

"Doug?" Ste couldn't believe what he was seeing. Doug with his arms around… _Walker. _He stood stunned for several moments, no one wanting to make the first move. "I came to see if you needed help closing up…" Ste felt like a fool. He shivered, a coldness encompassing his very bones.

"I can explain!" Doug said hastily, making a move forwards. Ste skirted away like a startled animal. It made no difference really; Walker had grabbed Doug around the waist to prevent him from lurching towards him.

"Brendan." Ste found himself whispering. He needed him, badly. He backed out of the door, running as though for his life, Doug crying out his name after him.

When he reached the flat, he fumbled with his keys in the lock. Eventually Brendan threw the door open, taking in the sight of Ste looking like such a mess and pulling him inside immediately.

"What's happened?" He asked, grasping Ste by the arms tightly.

"D-Doug." Ste stuttered, from the cold or the tears, he couldn't tell. "W-Walker."

"Doug and Walker?" Brendan frowned, confused.

"Together." Ste rasped.

"They're fucking?"

Ste nodded earnestly, collapsing against Brendan's chest. Brendan wrapped his arms around him, steadying him.

"Shh, calm down." He whispered into his hair. The door went and Brendan cursed. "I just put the kids to sleep."

"Don't let him in, I don't want to see him." Ste sobbed.

"I'll talk to him." Brendan said steadily. That didn't reassure Ste one bit.

Doug pushed his way inside before Brendan could say a word. He was in one of those moods then.

"Ste, let me explain."

"What's there to explain, Douglas? Ye are fucking the person who tried to kill him."

Doug's face went a blotchy red colour. "It's not like that, he's changed."

Brendan snorted, sitting down.

Ste looked at him with narrowed eyes. "You don't think it's weird that he came back here?"

"He wanted to make amends."

"And you believed him? Why would he stay?"

"Of course." Doug said shakily. "And he stayed here because… well…"

"For Doug." Walker said quietly, walking through the front door like a ghost.

"GET OUT!" Ste shouted furiously, his fists clenched at his sides. "My kids are here, I'm not having you near them!" Behind him he heard Brendan exhale sharply. He didn't think the other two would have heard it, but he was tuned into Brendan's reactions better than anyone.

"Always a pleasure, Steven." Walker said mildly, his eyes fixed on Doug.

Ste glared between the two of them, his gaze drifting to Brendan who sat in an oddly contained manner. To the outside eye he looked calm, but Ste knew him better than that. He was consuming his rage, for reasons Ste couldn't work out.

"Ye need to leave." Brendan said quietly, addressing Doug.

"But-"

"Douglas, Steven is upset. I'm not having him talk to ye and getting more upset. Leave."

It was impossible to argue with that tone and Ste's own expression was unwavering. Doug gave them a fleeting look of anguish before he allowed Walker to guide him out the door. Ste flung himself at Brendan when they were gone, curling up in his lap and riding out his sobs. He wasn't crying for Doug, but for his betrayal. Not only that, but his fear of what Walker being around meant for them, for Brendan.

"It'll be okay, Steven." Brendan murmured, stroking his hair. "I promise."

Xxx

"It'll be okay, Doug." Walker soothed when they were out in the cold air. "I promise."

"How?" Doug choked, wringing his hands together. "They weren't supposed to find out!"

Walker stared at the floor darkly, his fists clenched. It hadn't been easy, standing in the same room as Brendan and not doing or saying anything. But he couldn't do anything in front of Doug, not if he wanted to lose him forever. He wondered why Brendan hadn't attempted anything and whether the same applied for Ste. Somehow Walker doubted it; Ste had look set to rip his face off himself. So Brendan was hiding something, no surprise there…

"Can we go home?" Doug asked quietly. Walker snapped himself back to the present, thumbing the tears away from Doug's cheeks.

"Of course, sweetheart."

Doug walked on ahead, sniffing a little. Walker crowded around him, conscious in the dark.

"Do you think they'll tell anyone?" Doug asked quietly. Walker had to strain to hear him.

"Why would they?"

Doug shrugged. "I just mean if they do, we won't have to keep it a secret anymore."

Walker froze, stopping still. Doug turned back to him, frowning.

"What?"

"I don't know if that's wise, lover."

"Why?"

"Let's talk about this when we get home."

"No. I want to talk about it now." Doug crossed his arms, unmoveable.

Walker sighed, running a hand through his long hair. "It's not safe."

"Because of Brendan? He didn't seem that concerned…"

"Oh, he was." Walker said briskly, walking ahead. Doug had no choice but to follow him. "He's planning something, I know it."

"Maybe he doesn't want the drama?" Doug suggested. "He's trying to make a go of things with Ste after all."

"Don't be fooled." Walker snarled.

"Should I go back and talk to him?"

"No!" Walker grabbed his wrist, his eyes wild and dangerous. "Do not go anywhere near him, Doug."

"You're being crazy!" Doug retaliated, shaking himself out of Walker's grip.

"That man… he's capable of anything."

"And what about you? What are you capable of?"

The question hung in the air between them.

"I should go." Walker announced.

"Fine." Doug held up his hands, walking ahead of him.

Walker hesitated, tempted to follow him. He restrained himself for now. He needed to calm down first.

Xxx

Doug trundled home, wondering how he could have been so happy this morning, blissfully unaware of the disaster awaiting him.

He ignored Texas and Leanne's attempts to offer him dinner and went straight to his room, climbing into bed and throwing the covers over himself.

Before when it had been just him and Walker, everything had seemed much simpler. They were together in this bubble, the outside world a blur and unnecessary distraction. Doug hated the idea of everyone knowing their business but a part of him knew that they couldn't have stayed secret forever. He hated how it had come out; the way Ste had looked at him like he was a stranger. He hated that Walker wasn't with him right now.

Doug curled in on himself, deciding that he would go off sick tomorrow. It wasn't as though Ste would want to see him anyway. He was startled when he felt a dip in the bed. He hadn't even heard anyone come in.

"Leanne, I'm not in the mood."

"Glad to hear it." Walker said smoothly. Doug flung the covers off immediately.

"Walker? How did you get past them?"

"I slipped in through the back, you understand." Walker winked, his mouth curling into a smile. "I'm sorry for before, lover."

"No, I'm sorry." Doug sat up, crossing his legs underneath him. "I panicked."

"It's natural." Walker said gently, brushing his hand across Doug's cheek.

"What do we do then?"

"We carry on as normal."

"Just like that?"

"We could go away for a few days, if you wanted."

Doug felt a surge of hope. "Yeah? Just us?"

"You look so surprised." Walker smiled affectionately at him, his laugh a low rumble.

"It just sounds so perfect."

"It's about time you were treated how you deserve." Walker crooned, wrapping his hand around the back of Doug's head and drawing him close for a kiss.

The kiss deepened and accelerated from there. It wasn't long before Doug was flat on his back, Walker towering over him like a beautiful, terrifying Greek God. Walker pulled his legs up to his waist, burying himself inside, his lips making their mark all over Doug's smooth skin.

"Come for me." He whispered against his mouth. Doug arched his spine, unable to respond save for groans of pleasure.

Walker nipped his bottom lip, his hair falling across his face and taking Doug's breath away. He wrapped his legs tight around Walker's waist and felt his climax peaking. Walker cradled his face in his hands, soothing Doug through his almost overwhelming orgasm. Walker followed soon after, murmuring Doug's name over and over again.

They lay panting together after. Walker pulled himself out, collapsing next to Doug on the bed. Doug shuffled close to rest his head on Walker's bare shoulder.

"We'll be okay, won't we?" Doug asked hesitantly.

"Always, sweetheart."

"I love you." Doug said earnestly. Walker pulled him even closer.

"No one's taking you away from me." Walker replied, a possessive edge to his voice.

Doug didn't have the energy to contemplate that sentiment. And even if he did, he was too far gone to care.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Walker didn't sleep that night. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Brendan's face, felt his hands all over him. He remembered that night; Brendan unbuckling, straddling him. Licking him. Walker had wanted it, and he also hadn't. He had thought at the time, perhaps crazily, that it would make Brendan trust him. He'd been so vulnerable, distraught beyond measure.

He hadn't thought he would ever have to go that far. In the back of his mind the idea had lingered, especially after he had instigated the kiss a few months previous. But every fibre in his being loathed Brendan. His touch had been hateful to Walker in every conceivable way.

It wasn't like that with Doug. The boy was tentative, yielding. He responded to Walker's touch like a moth to a flame. He was soft and supple, beautiful and pure. Walker would never tire of him.

But he was here because of Brendan. That was why he'd come back. He didn't want Doug to know he still harboured that resentment and hatred. It soiled what they shared together. Doug would be frightened of the outcome if he took Brendan on and that was the only reason why Walker held back. He would do anything for him. His love for him occupied his every thought that wasn't fixated on revenge. Sometimes it choked him in it's intensity, other times it calmed him.

Doug stirred beside him, reaching out for Walker in his sleep. Walker settled down into the bed, allowing Doug to curl his fingers in the fabric of his shirt, the reassurance of his presence lulling him into a deeper sleep.

Getting away from the village would be the best thing right now for both of them. Walker was even tempted to never return, but he didn't think Doug would agree. He remembered their conversation only a few days ago. He had said he didn't have much to stick around for. Maybe there was a chance…

Walker sighed, resting his head against Doug's and closing his eyes. If he focused on the boy and only him, perhaps he would sleep. The rage and darkness were sometimes too much for him and he needed the relief of Doug's light.

When morning came, he found himself alone in bed. He sat up quickly, his eyes scanning the room for any hint of Doug's whereabouts. He spied a note on the bedside table, soothing his concern.

_You looked wiped out so I thought I__'__d let you sleep. Gone to work, seemed the right thing to do. See you later. D x_

Walker hoped he was right. Doug had left his pyjamas behind in the bed. Walker inhaled them, hoping Doug's scent would be enough to spur him out of bed and apart from the boy.

He went back to his own place, a squalid bed-sit with nothing to really call his own. He changed and combed his hair with his fingers; he desperately needed a shave. Doug wasn't keen on stubble rash.

He knew that he couldn't yet reveal himself to the rest of the village, not after the things he had done. Instead he kept to the shadows. He took up his place opposite the deli, prepared to watch. Ste was there as usual, sulking. His bottom lip jutted out in a pout and Walker resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Doug was a saint putting up with the two of them. As if on cue Doug walked out into the deli, eyes downcast, sad even. Walker felt his chest tighten. What was wrong? Had Ste shut him out? His question was answered when Ste gave him a small smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes but it reassured Doug enough for him to smile back wider. Why did he care about Ste's approval? Did he still have feelings for him? Walker watched them for some time, eventually feeling wetness on his palm. He'd dug his fingernails so deep into his skin he'd started to bleed.

He waited until Doug came out for his lunch break to approach him. He did a double take, glancing warily around himself.

"Walker, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you." Walker answered truthfully.

Doug smiled at that, his eyes drawn downwards to Walker's hand.

"What happened?" Doug asked, alarmed.

"Nothing, lover. Accident."

Doug took his hand in his own, frowning. "You need a bandage. Let me go get the first aid kit."

"Alright." Walker followed him inside the deli, making sure his face was covered.

Ste baulked when he saw him, but Walker didn't want to hide from him anymore.

"Ste." He said through his teeth. "Allow me a moment to explain myself."

Doug watched the two of them warily as he moved out the back to get the first aid kit.

"I'm listening." Ste said, crossing his arms haughtily.

Walker took a deep breath, staring at Doug as he spoke. "I was wrong in what I did, or almost did to you. You weren't the person I had the problem with and I apologise."

"You think that makes it better? It's Brendan's life you wanted to ruin!"

"And you love him, I know that." Walker said mildly. "I just want to assure you that it won't happen again. I'm a changed man."

That last part wasn't completely true, but the way Doug beamed at him made Walker want to believe so badly it almost choked him.

"Truce then?" Doug asked, walking back out into the shop holding Walker's bandage.

"Let's not push it." Ste said, taking his apron off. "I have to go meet Brendan." He gave them a parting glare and left them to it.

"I'm proud of you." Doug said, taking his hand again and dabbing it with a piece of wet cloth.

"Thank you." Walker said, wincing a little. "I was thinking…"

"Yeah?" Doug's eyes lit up. Walker found himself grinning at him for hardly any reason.

"We should take that trip as soon as possible, let the two lovebirds cool down."

"Good idea." Doug said, laughing breathlessly. "Ste and me had a chat too and I told him a few things to clear the air."

Walker faltered a little then. "Like what?"

"I told him that you'd changed and surely being with Brendan he had to understand that."

Walker nodded, his spine tingling with unease. "I'm not Brendan." He said, the words like bile in his mouth.

"Of course not!" Doug said hurriedly. "I just meant he should understand about giving someone a chance."

"Right, yes. Sorry, lover."

"That's okay." Doug said, smiling once more. He'd finished the bandage and gave it a little kiss. "All better."

"Thank you. I should get going."

"Where?" Doug asked, his eyebrows knitting together.

"To make plans for our trip of course." Walker said, giving him a long kiss.

He left the deli and put his hood up once more. He saw Ste hovering in the alleyway, alone. As if drawn by an invisible force, he went to him.

"Ste." He greeted, amusing himself at the way Ste jumped at the sound of his voice.

"What do you want?" Ste asked, brass as ever.

"I wanted to say I appreciate your effort in front of Doug."

"You know I won't ever forgive you, right?"

Walker leaned against the wall. "I can't say I blame you."

"Well, I think it's best you just stay away then."

"Not from Doug." Walker said seriously.

Ste looked at him incredulously. "Are you in love with him?"

"Yes." Walker answered with complete conviction.

Ste's expression clouded. "I don't want him to get hurt, he's still my friend."

"I respect that." Walker said, crossing his arms. "Not my intention at all. In fact I plan to take him away for a few days, allow all of us to cool off."

"Yeah?" Ste seemed surprised.

"I've never had anything against you, Ste." Walker said sincerely. "I really just want to move on, with Doug."

"And Brendan?"

Walker stiffened a little. "I'll avoid him as much as possible."

"Good." Ste nodded, appeased for now. "I need to go find him."

"Of course." Walker bowed his head, pushing himself away from the wall. He paused before he turned away properly. "You're alright really, aren't you?"

"Someone else told me that once." Ste said thoughtfully. "Know what I told him?"

"What?"

"I'll write it on my gravestone." Ste gave him a level look, as though gauging his reaction. Walker's expression was impassive.

"You have a decent sense of humour."

"Yeah, I do. Let's not test it, eh?"

"Noted." Walker excused himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked back to see Ste greet Brendan. He wrapped his arms around his neck. Brendan's eyes found his and fixed on him. Walker stared back, inviting him to dare say anything.

He didn't though, not until later.

Walker had booked a hotel out of Chester for him and Doug. He'd have liked to go further but he wasn't sure how his passport would fare at customs. He was just on his way to the deli to tell him when he felt a pair of rough hands on him, dragging him into the alleyway.

"Walker." Brendan growled, pushing him against the wall.

"Hello, Brendan. I think I'm having a flashback."

"Don't be clever, doesn't suit ye."

"On the contrary." Walker gave him a look, one that clearly stated he either take his hands off him or he'd make him. Brendan stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I only want to talk."

"Is that so?"

"Mm." Brendan looked him over. "Ye have really let yerself go, Walker."

"Not easy on the run."

"Yeah." Brendan leaned against the wall, crossing his ankles. "What are ye doing here?"

"Doug." Walker said automatically.

Brendan smirked a little at that. "Good choice."

The insinuation was completely artificial, one intended to rile Walker. He wasn't going to rise to it. Even so, he felt his bandage break with the pressure of his tightened fists.

"What do you want, Brendan?"

Brendan's face lost it's humour then. He stepped forwards into Walker's space.

"I want ye to stay away from Steven." He said, voice low and threatening.

Walker couldn't help smiling at that. "Good choice." He said mildly. Brendan laughed humourlessly.

"I saw ye talking."

"Polite conversation, I assure you. Ask him." Walker said carefully.

"I have, but I'm telling ye myself: stay away from him."

"Ooh Brendan, I'm not going to steal him you know." Walker said airily.

"Don't flatter yerself." Brendan growled. He wasn't as mastered in controlling his emotions as Walker had thought. Perhaps something had changed in the months Walker had been away.

"Honestly, Brendan. I don't want any trouble. I just want to take Doug away for a while and then-"

"Then what?"

"Who knows?" Walker grinned. "Perhaps we'll settle here, perhaps not."

"Over my dead body."

"Now now, don't get me all flustered."

Brendan bared his teeth, his fists curling at his sides. "One wrong move and I'll…"

"What?" Walker was genuinely curious.

"Ye don't wanna know." Brendan said, taking a step back, his fists uncurling. "And just know I'd do anything for my boy. Whether ye are the same for Douglas-"

"I am." Walker said, humour lost.

"I'm counting on that." Brendan said, with a flourish. He was gone before Walker could breathe another word.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Walker tilted Doug's head back, exposing his neck for the graze of his lips. His hands were at his hips; fingers digging into the soft flesh as he held him tight. Doug's back was arched, his pelvis pointed towards Walker's crotch, magnetising.

Walked loved to watch him come apart at the seams. The way his throat would bob when he swallowed, how overwhelmed he'd get at Walker's hands all over him. The soft moans were the most alluring, like music to Walker's ears. He pulled him flush against him, his hand reaching between their bodies to grasp him.

Doug gasped into his mouth, unconsciously moving closer against Walker's body. Walker's expert hands stroked, caressed, coaxed him open. Doug was practically bent over with the force of Walker's cock inside him, drumming into him at a relentless, almost desperate, pace.

Afterwards they laid collapsed on the bed together, a mass of sweaty limbs. Doug's head was rested on Walker's chest, Walker's arm thrown over his torso protectively.

"That was pretty intense." Doug laughed. Walker could feel the vibrations of it in his chest.

"Well I missed you." Walker answered simply.

"It was only a few days!" Doug said incredulously.

"You were avoiding me." Walker accused, nipping him somewhere below his ear.

"No… I had a course."

Walker snorted, his fingers trailing lightly over Doug's hip. "Sure."

"It's true!"

"Ste could have gone."

"_Ste _wouldn't leave Brendan."

"Why the fuck not?" Walker could barely contain his rage at this revelation.

"You've got him scared, he won't leave his side."

"Idiot." Walker murmured.

"Simon." Doug said sternly, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Oh it's Simon now, is it?" Walker rolled his eyes, turning his face away.

"You're being ridiculous." Doug sighed, exasperated.

"Well, you were quite happy to leave my side."

"It's not the same!"

"You don't love me like Ste loves Brendan, is that it?" Walker practically spat.

"I can't even talk to you when you're like this." Doug replied, making a move off of the bed.

"No." Walker growled, pinning him to the bed. For a moment he saw a flash of fear in Doug's eyes, the sight dissolving him of his rage quicker than it had come. "I'm sorry." he said, instantly reproachful of his behaviour.

"It's okay." Doug said, rolling away from him. "Maybe you should go home, cool down a bit…"

"You want me to leave?" Walker asked incredulously.

"I don't _want _you to leave but you're making it difficult."

"Fine. Whatever." Walker spun out of bed, grappling with his clothes. "When can I expect to see you again?"

"I'll call you."

"Right." Walker did his best to contain his anger. His hands were shaking as he zipped his trousers up.

He went out into the cold night air, wrapping his jacket tight around his body. It was late; only a few villagers were out presumably on their way home . Walker didn't have a home, didn't have anything to call his own, not really. He found himself walking past the deli, now dark, and then towards the club. It was still lit up but not with party goers. Intrigued, Walker slipped in through the back door. He mounted the stairs quietly, straining his ears for any noise.

He heard a whisper once he had reached the top of the stairs. He hung back, face shrouded in shadow.

"Brendan… you need to come back. You took the keys with you to lock up and I can't exactly leave the place unlocked can I?" Ste sounded irritated, put out. Perhaps Walker and Doug weren't the only couple falling out tonight. He hung up the phone and wandered around the club, mouth pressed into a firm line. Walker watched him with interest. He hadn't noticed before how flawless the boy's skin was. He was practically glowing with beauty and still Walker couldn't feel even a flicker of interest. He was too far gone with Doug now, no one else even penetrated his mind.

"Ste." He said suddenly, revealing himself. Ste jumped visibly, fear flickering over his face. He wasn't one to hide his emotions, not like his lover.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked angrily, hands balling into fists.

"Not as pleasant as last time, hm?" Walker commented dryly. He kept his distance, not wanting to panic the boy. Not yet.

"Seriously, what do you want?" Ste asked warily. He took a step backwards.

"Just to talk. Sounded like you had as rough a night as I have."

Ste stared at him dumbfounded for a moment. Then he glanced at the phone still in his hand and his expression changed to one of disgust. "What were you listening for?"

"I was just passing by, couldn't help overhearing."

Ste snorted. "Yeah, you passed by through the deserted club and up the stairs."

"You make it sound as though I planned it."

"For all I know, you did." Ste retorted, slipping the phone into his pocket. "Brendan will be here soon so you need to leave."

"Is that right?" Walker moved closer, amused when Ste took another step back.

"You heard me, I asked him to come back."

"And you think he will, just like that?"

"Why do you care?" Ste asked carefully.

"Oh I don't." Walker said airily, moving to sit on one of the sofa's. He leaned his head back, clicking his neck in the process. Ste stared at him in undisguised disgust. "You really don't like me, do you?"

"Can you blame me?" Ste sat opposite him, curling his fingers together in his lap. He was wearing one of his tracksuit jackets with jogging bottoms. Walker looked him over.

"You changed your clothes."

"What?" Ste asked, disarmed.

"You used to dress different, when I was last here."

"This is how I've always dressed."

"Until?"

"Doug?" Ste's eyes darted to Walker's face then away in chagrin. "I changed."

"And then you changed back." Walker said plainly; a statement, not a question.

"No." Ste replied resolutely. "I went back to who I really was."

"Really?" Walker leaned forwards, staring at Ste intently. "So Brendan makes you who you are?"

"No." Ste said again.

"But?"

"But he makes me happier than I've ever been."

Walker leaned back again, thoughtful. "Doug does the same for me."

"Well I'm very pleased for you." Ste answered, sarcastic as ever.

"Are you not pleased for your friend? He's happy and in love."

"With the wrong guy."

"He'd say the same about you."

"Well he doesn't know Brendan like I do, no one does."

"You reckon?" Walker purred, beginning to smile.

"What?" Ste looked taken aback.

"Nothing, ignore me." Walker flicked his hair out of his eyes lazily. "I should be going really."

"No, tell me!" Ste demanded, standing up.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes." Ste hissed, eyes blazing.

Walker cocked his head to the side in amusement. He paused a moment, long enough to hear footsteps on the stairs.

"Did he not tell you about our night together?"

Ste's face went visibly white. Walker almost fell sorry for him, almost.

"In Southport. Pretty rough it was, but I'm sure you know all about that." Walker blanched at his own words, the memory of that night making his skin crawl.

"You're lying." Ste murmured in disbelief. "Brendan would have told me."

Walker smiled pleasantly, inclining his head to the figure now present on the stairs. "Why don't you ask him, hm?"

"Steven…" Brendan began, attempting to take a step towards him.

"Oh God, it's true isn't it?" Ste stared at him in horror.

"I didn't know at the time… I was… it was…" Brendan stuttered. Walker had never seen him so undone before, it thrilled him.

"And I thought John Paul was bad." Ste muttered to himself, rushing away from the two men and out the door.

"Steven!" Brendan called after him. He turned back to Walker, his face contorted in rage.

"Poor boy, you should try being more honest."

"Ye are going to regret that." Brendan said darkly.

"Ooh I'm shaking." Walker rolled his eyes. "You best get after him."

Brendan opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something but closed it soon after, following Ste out of the door. It was a testament to how much he loved the boy that he would put him first over any revenge he might wish to inflict on Walker. At least, that was what Walker assumed.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Doug woke up the next morning with an awful sense of foreboding. Walker hadn't attempted to contact him after their argument and that only made him feel worse. After he'd showered and dressed he skipped breakfast and went straight to work, feeling groggy and moody. Evidently he wasn't the only one.

"Ste?"

The closed sign was showing and Ste was slumped over the deli counter. He glanced up at the sound of Doug's voice. Doug could see that he'd been crying. His eyes were rimmed with redness and he was sniffling.

"What's happened?" Doug rushed forwards, hesitant to comfort. They still had their boundaries.

"Had a fight with Brendan." Ste sniffed. "Don't tell him I've been crying."

"Course not." Doug said, dazed. "Are you okay though?"

Ste straightened, shaking himself a little. "I will be."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm gonna kill your boyfriend." Ste threw his apron off as though seized with a sudden sense of purpose, hurtling towards the door before Doug could catch his breath.

"Wait!" He shouted after him. He fumbled with his keys as he locked the deli door behind him. Ste was out of sight by the time he turned around. "Shit." He muttered to himself, grappling with the mobile in his pocket. His hands were shaking so badly it was difficult to locate the number. He dropped his phone in his haste, cursing once more under his breath.

"Language, Douglas."

For the first time, Doug was happy to hear that voice.

"Brendan! Thank God. I was just gonna call you-"

"What is it?" Brendan's humour evaporated in an instant. Doug could say one thing for him; he was good in a crisis. "Where's Steven?"

"He's gone after Simon!" Doug said quickly. "But I don't understand why."

Brendan's eyes widened as he took this in. "Stay here."

"No." Doug shook his head resolutely. "I have to come with you! What's he done?"

"More than ye realise." Brendan said seriously. "There's no time to explain."

Doug choked on his parting words while Brendan shot away from him, looking like he knew where he was going.

Doug stood helpless in the middle of the village, gripping the remnants of his broken phone in his hand. He turned eventually, wondering if he should re-open the deli seeing as his assistance was unneeded. Deciding that he wouldn't be able to focus however, he went back to the flat instead.

Thankfully the girls were out. He didn't want to explain to them what was going on. They didn't even know about Walker yet. He trudged upstairs, slipping his chinos off and tossing them to the side. Just as he was unbuttoning his shirt, he felt a pair of hands all over him from behind, caressing him with undue desperation.

"Simon?" Doug whispered, alarmed.

"It's me, lover." Doug whirled in his arms, feeling the tight grip of Walker's hands on him.

"What's going on?" He asked immediately.

"What do you mean?" Walker looked puzzled. He freed one of his hands to stroke Doug's cheek softly.

"Ste's after you! What did you do?"

Walker's eyes darkened. "Oh, that."

"Yes, _that_." Doug looked at him imploringly, waiting for an explanation.

"It was nothing, sweetheart. I just told him about one of the many skeleton's in Brendan's closet."

"That wasn't really your place to." Doug said severely. "He's really upset."

Walker's eyes twinkled at this but he kept his expression neutral, wrongly assuming that he could fool Doug.

"This has to stop!" Doug exclaimed, attempting to dislodge himself from Walker's grasp.

"You can't leave me." Walker said, incredulous. He was smiling but it wasn't a happy smile.

"I'm not saying that." Doug said, voice quieter. "Please just let me go."

"I can't, you'll run."

"Simon…"

Walker glanced away from him, deliberating. Eventually he relented, releasing Doug from his arms. Doug sighed, feeling much more rational now he wasn't feeling so trapped.

"Look, you need to stop messing with them. This is supposed to be our time. We're meant to be going away tonight!"

"Yes." Walker said distractedly. His eyes were unfocused on him, as though he wasn't really seeing Doug at all. "I booked the hotel." he said, his voice flat.

"Okay." Doug said carefully. "I'll go pack then…" he backed away slowly, feeling tension prickle all over his skin.

"Wait." Walker honed in on him then. "You're really not going anywhere?"

"Course not." Doug said a little breathlessly. Truth be told, he was terrified.

Walker followed him into the bedroom, watching as Doug threw some clothes onto the bed.

"He's really after me?" Walker asked suddenly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, I don't know what you told him but…"

"How's Brendan?" He said his name with distaste. Doug had never heard such hatred before.

"Worried about Ste, naturally." Doug answered carefully, placing some shoes in his duffel bag. "How long are we going for by the way?"

"Oh I don't know." Walker said, distracted again. "You have your passport?"

"Passport? Why?" Doug was definitely feeling alarmed now.

Walker shrugged in what he probably thought was a casual way. Doug knew better.

"Just in case."

"But you can't travel." Doug said, matter-of-fact.

Walker smiled slowly at him. "I have my methods."

"Simon, I don't want to be involved in anything illegal-"

"Then don't come!" Walker said angrily, rising to a standing position. Doug backed away, deeply regretful that his phone was smashed to pieces. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." Walker continued, voice softer. He moved towards him, pulling Doug into a tight embrace. "I love you."

"You too." Doug said, voice shaky. "Let's just see how we get on, yeah?"

Walker buried his nose against Doug's neck, inhaling. "You smell so good."

"Simon, uh-" Doug wasn't sure this was the right time for such a thing.

"Shh, relax." Walker trailed his fingers down the back of Doug's neck, playing with the small hairs there. Against his better judgement, Doug felt his body reacting to Walker's touch. "Now that's better." he crooned, slipping his hands underneath Doug's shirt and stroking his bare back.

"I'm not sure we should-" Doug was cut off by Walker's lips over his own, strong and unyielding. Doug felt himself pushed back onto the bed.

"Tell me to stop and I will." Walker said softly, moving to position himself between Doug's legs.

"Uh-" Doug choked on his protests as he felt Walker's lips nudging against his collar bone. It _did_ feel good and Doug could already feel himself relaxing.

Walker's enthusiasm amounted to the point where Doug was pressed down into the bed, Walker's lips and hands moving over him possessively.

"Mine." He murmured against his skin, licking a trail down his chest.

"Simon." Doug could feel his own arousal building but deep down he knew this wasn't right; not when he didn't know what Walker had done to make Ste want to kill him. "Wait, stop."

Walker pulled away immediately, eyes clouded with desire. "What is it, lover?"

"You slept with Brendan, didn't you?" Doug could feel the certainly of his words as he said them. It didn't take a lot to figure out what would rile Ste to that extent and Doug had always had a sense from the way Walker touched him sometimes that there was something he was hiding.

"What?" Walker stood up, staring at Doug in horror.

Doug didn't get the chance to answer; someone was banging on his front door.

"Doug! I know he's in there!"

"Shit." He cursed, buttoning himself up again and seizing some trousers.

"Don't!" Walker made to grab him but Doug was quicker. He shot down the stairs two at a time.

"Ste, wait-" Ste pushed past him, Brendan hot on his heels.

"Is he here?"

"Ste, you need to calm down." Doug said, aware that he himself was trembling. Brendan looked him over, an odd expression on his face.

"Are ye okay?"

"What? Of course I am."

"Ye don't look okay…" Brendan's voice was too soft, too concerned. It made Doug incredibly uncomfortable.

"I'm fine!" He said, ruffled. "Can you leave please?"

Brendan's hands hovered over Ste. "Maybe ye should come with us."

"Why? What's going on?"

"He's not what ye think."

"You're one to talk!" Doug said, always on the offensive.

"No, listen. Ye don't understand." Brendan took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I thought I could let this go but-" he glanced at Ste in a sort of agonised way.

"What?" Doug repeated, aggravated now. The attention of the two men was diverted however by a figure on the stairs. Doug turned to follow their gazes. "Simon, wait upstairs!"

"What are you doing?" Walker ignored him, looking directly at Brendan.

"Ye think ye can mess with me, turn Steven against me?" Brendan growled, his tone verging on hysterical.

"It's not my fault you weren't honest with him." Walker said serenely.

"Funny ye say that, Simon." Brendan said levelly. "Have ye told Douglas about Lynsey?"

The room was silent at Brendan's words. Ste was looking at him in confusion, his own anger forgotten temporarily. Walker had frozen on the stairs, his eyes fixated on Doug.

"Don't." he said, deathly quiet.

"Lynsey." Doug breathed, his voice shaking with the memory of her. "What about her?"

"Walker watched her die." Brendan said simply. He tried to sound aloof with his outburst but Lynsey had meant as much to him as she had to Doug. Voicing it aloud seemed to take a great deal out of him.

"No." Doug shook his head in numb disbelief.

"It's true, he told me."

"Brendan?" Ste stared at him, his face drawn with emotion.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell ye, Steven. About any of it. But he's poison, and I don't want ye tainted with it."

Walker laughed horribly, covering the distance of the stairs to where the three of them stood. "Are you going to believe him over me, Doug? The man who loves you over the man who's given you nothing but grief?"

Doug stared at him incredulously. He was white as a sheet, eyes wild and dangerous. He was also terrified, and that was all the confirmation Doug needed.

"It's true." He said weakly, feeling himself shudder in revulsion. His vision was darkening, his skin felt like it was on fire.

"I can explain." Walker said hastily.

He didn't get the chance to. Doug felt the ground lurch beneath him and blackness overtook everything.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

Doug vaguely felt hands lifting him up and laying him onto something soft. The sofa, he guessed.

The voices around him were distorted and agitated. His ears felt as though they were ringing.

"Get him some water, Bren." Ste said quickly. His voice sounded strained. "And you can go!" He added angrily.

"I'm not leaving him." That was Walker. Doug felt a shiver up his spine at the sound of his voice. His emotions were all over the place, especially when he felt someone caressing his cheek.

"Don't touch him." Ste snarled and there was some kind of scuffle.

"Steven!" Brendan's voice was angry and upset. "Leave it!"

"Simon." Doug said weakly, coming to. He had to stop this before someone got hurt.

"Sweetheart." Walker bent down to his level. Doug tried to open his eyes but the light was too bright for him. "You scared me."

"Sorry." Doug said without thinking.

"Will you allow me to explain?"

"No." Doug's voice sounded hoarse, like he'd been screaming. Maybe he had. "I need you to…"

"What? Anything, lover."

"I need you to go." Doug finished, wincing as he felt Walker's hands on him again.

"You don't mean that. There are things you don't understand."

"I understand perfectly." Doug rasped. "Now please leave me alone."

He opened one eye blearily, enough to see the way his words wounded him. Good. Somewhere deep inside of him however, his heart was breaking at the sight.

"Ye heard him, Simon." Brendan said calmly, keeping a lid on his own emotions. That was new.

Walker snarled under his breath. It would have been better if he'd said nothing.

"We'll look after him, yeah? He doesn't want you here." Ste said, the voice of reason in a terrible situation.

"Fine." Walker said, and Doug felt a surge of relief. "But this isn't over." He bent to kiss Doug's forehead. Doug was too weak to protest and even after everything it still offered some comfort. He visibly relaxed when he heard the door close after him.

"What now?" Brendan asked.

"We best stay here, at least until Leanne and Texas get back." Ste answered. Doug felt a dip in the sofa when he sat down. "Do you need anything?" He asked him gently, paternally.

"A lobotomy?" Doug responded, earning a dark chuckle from Brendan. He was able to open his eyes fully now; Brendan had dimmed the lights.

"You'll get your head around it." Ste said, staring at Brendan. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

"No." Doug shook his head, easing himself upright carefully. "This is Lynsey we're talking about. Lynsey who was sweet and kind and wouldn't hurt a fly. I loved her. Even before I knew…" Doug trailed off, his throat closing in on itself.

"I'm sorry." Brendan said gruffly. Doug's eyes shot up to his in surprise. "That ye have to live with this now, both of ye."

"Don't be silly, Brendan." Ste said, rising to touch him, to offer some comfort. "You don't have to suffer everything alone."

"Don't I?" Brendan sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. "Walker won't stop there ye know. He'll come after us."

Ste gulped, his grip tightening on Brendan's arm. "What can we do?"

"I need to call Anne." Brendan said, dazed.

"Okay." Ste agreed. "I'll stay here with Doug."

Brendan nodded, moving out of the room.

"Use the house phone, if you want." Doug offered. Brendan turned back to him, eyes blazing. Doug attempted a smile but it felt strained. The sentiment was there though. When he turned back to Ste, he was watching the empty space where Brendan had stood wonderingly. Doug felt his insides clench, knowing how love felt and knowing that it never simply disappeared.

"I'll make you some soup." Ste announced, shaking himself.

"You don't have to-"

"Don't be stupid. You just fainted, you need something."

Doug nodded. His stomach was rumbling. He was lucky that he didn't vomit. Not yet anyway. He still hadn't processed everything.

While Ste busied himself in the kitchen, Doug stood up gingerly, walking towards the mirror.

"I look like a ghost." He noted, poking at his face. The place Walker had touched him felt like it was burning.

"Once you've eaten, you'll feel better." Ste said, rattling some pots and pans. "Chicken soup alright?"

"Sure, yeah." Doug said vaguely. "You don't have to stay you know."

"Course we do." Ste said. There it was, that collective 'we'. It made Doug ache for something he had lost. "Listen, you will get through this, right."

"I've been through enough to know that." Doug said, trying to sound breezy but not quite managing it.

"The things me and Brendan have been through…" Ste trailed off. "Just, it gets easier."

"He'll want to talk to me." Doug said, dread settling in his stomach. "I don't think I can."

"Scared you might kill him?" Ste asked, not looking at him.

"What? No!" Doug said, taken aback.

"I wouldn't blame you." Ste said, and he was serious.

"Ste… I'm not that guy."

"No, I know." He shook his head. "I don't know what I'm saying, ignore me."

Doug considered his words for a few moments. "You said you wanted to kill him earlier."

"Oh, yeah." Ste blushed. "I didn't mean that."

"Why though?"

Ste shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "It's Brendan, init?"

He didn't need to say anything else. Doug understood.

Brendan appeared in the room then, looking tired and older than he had previously.

"How's Mitzeee?" Ste asked, pouring the soup into a mug.

"Fine. Thinking of baby names." Brendan said, a small quirk to his mouth. "She said she'd make his middle name Brendan."

"Really?" Ste grinned, obviously pleased at this act of kindness. "That's great!"

"Yeah, yeah it is." Brendan bowed his head. "Anyway, I asked her about Walker. She doesn't really know anything that could help us."

Ste didn't look surprised and neither was Doug. "You guys don't need to worry about this, you know." He said. They turned to him, gazes hard. "I mean, right now he just wants to talk to me, right?"

"But Doug you said you couldn't."

"Yeah, that's just me being weak though. In case…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. He didn't want to admit that a part of him still loved Walker, still yearned for him. Of course, he'd forgotten who he was speaking to.

"I get it, you're scared you'll forgive him." Ste said, handing him his mug of soup. "You're only human. And you know, if I thought it was possible I'd say sure, hear him out. But Doug… I don't think you can forgive him for this."

"I can't." Doug said, shaking his head. "I mean Riley… I never forgave him for that. But I knew that was an accident. Trying to kill you…" He looked at Ste apologetically. "I could just about get my head around it, knowing how damaged he was, and he told me he wouldn't have really done it."

Brendan braced himself then, as though he wanted to say something. Ste gave him a hard look, silencing him.

"But Lynsey… he just let her die. He didn't do anything to help. I don't know _why_."

"To get at me." Brendan said gruffly, sitting down suddenly. "And because of what she knew."

"You can't blame yourself." Doug said, wondering why he felt the need to be reassuring. Perhaps he was tired of fighting it. In the face of a truer devil, it was all the easier.

Brendan shook his head, smiling in an eerie sort of way. "I'll take it with me to the grave, Douglas. All of it."

What followed was silence. Doug sipped at his soup, feeling the warmth of it rush through him. There was a commotion outside, the girls were back.

"You two get home, I'll be alright." Doug said, needing the headspace to think.

"You sure?" Ste asked. "We can stay, if you need us to."

"No, it's fine." Doug smiled weakly. "I've got my soup, got my girls. If I need you I'll call."

Ste nodded, glancing at Brendan. "We'll speak tomorrow. Don't worry about opening."

"I'll see how it goes." Doug said, thinking it might be good to distract himself.

"Lock yer door." Brendan said, ever practical.

Doug nodded, seeing them out.

"What were they doing here?" Leanne asked in confusion.

"Just visiting."

"Really?" Texas looked at him strangely. "Is everything okay?"

Doug was barely holding himself together. His legs started to wobble, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.

"Not really." He said, his voice failing him. He would have collapsed right there if the girls hadn't enveloped him in a hug.

"Doug, what's happened?" Leanne asked in concern, the two of them guiding him to the sofa. "Is it Ste again?"

"No, that ship's sailed." Doug said, his head in his hands.

"Then what is it?"

"Do you remember Walker?"

"The nut job who killed Riley?" Leanne asked, tactful as ever.

Doug nodded. "I have something to tell you both…"

It wasn't an easy discussion. Doug could barely take their disappointed faces. But they were his friends, and they held him close and told him everything would be okay, and that was what he needed to hear.

He went to bed that night feeling drained. He locked his door as Brendan had instructed and slipped beneath the covers.

He couldn't sleep though, not when he knew Walker was still out there. He felt as though a weight was pressing upon him, making it difficult to think and breathe. A part of him craved Walker's closeness, even now. But he pushed it aside, knowing it would only bring him agony.

He fell into an uneasy sleep, plagued with nightmares and the vision of Lynsey's beautiful face. She held him, soothed him. And Doug felt like a monster.

He woke early, the morning light shooting through the gap in his curtains. He felt like he'd run a marathon; his muscles ached and his throat was dry. He made himself a strong coffee and decided to call Ste to tell him he wouldn't be in today.

Then he went back to bed and crawled underneath the covers. He lay there for hours, unmoving. Leanne and Texas knocked on the door but he ignored them and eventually they left. The flat was silent and that was exactly what Doug needed right now. It was only when he heard a noise downstairs that he tensed up. Throwing the covers off he slipped his robe on and crept to the top of the stairs.

He walked down the stairs carefully, not wanting to make a sound. He was inwardly cursing himself for giving Walker a key and not thinking to change the locks straight away. Perhaps a part of him wanted the confrontation. He couldn't carry on not knowing. He needed that closure.

"Simon." He said, finally seeing him. He looked dreadful. Hair in disarray, clothes unwashed. He seemed to have slept in them. He looked like he had when he had first come to Doug, before Doug had reminded him of personal hygiene.

"We need to talk." He said, voice hoarse. His eyes were red.

"I agree."

Doug remained on the stairs, hesitant to get any closer.

"Will you sit with me?"

"No." Doug sat down on the stairs, hugging his knees to his chest. "Talk."

"Doug, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Lynsey was… an innocent."

"Yeah, she was." Doug said, voice dull.

"She was never supposed to be involved but she kept pushing." Walker gritted his teeth. "And it was about _him._"

"Don't you dare blame Brendan for this." Doug said, anger rising. "You're the one who watched her die, not him!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Walker said, attempting to placate him. "I'm just trying to explain to you why."

"I don't think I was ready to hear you explain." Doug said truthfully. He could feel the tears springing to his eyes. "I wasn't ready for any of this. I don't want to love you."

Walker's eyes shone with sudden hopefulness. "You still love me?"

Doug pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I don't want to."

"I still love you." Walker said breathlessly, moving closer. "And I'll do anything to make it up to you, anything."

"You can't." Doug said, voice strained. "There's nothing."

"Please, Doug. Please." Walker was too close now. Doug could smell him, feel his presence, remember how it felt to lie in his arms and be close to him.

"You need to leave now. I can't do anymore today."

"Can I come by later? Please?"

"Simon-"

"Please, Doug." Walker made to reach out to him but Doug flinched away. Walker held his hands up in surrender. "Just give me one hour, tonight. At least to allow your mind to calm. You must have more questions."

"My only question right now is how you could let someone as pure and innocent as Lynsey die." Doug said hollowly, glancing at the picture of the two of them on his wall.

"I might not have even been able to do anything for her."

"You could have tried!" Doug shouted, the tears falling now.

"I'll come back later, when you're calmer." Walker said, voice soft.

"No, don't bother. There's nothing you can say to me to make this okay."

"Doug-"

"Just go!" Doug gave an almighty push. Walker barely lost his balance, he was much stronger than Doug. He seemed to realise it was futile however and willingly went towards the door.

"I won't give up on you." He said, eyes blazing.

"I wish you would." Doug said, voice hollow.

As the door closed after him, Doug wondered how true that statement was.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Doug spent the remainder of the day in bed, covers pulled tightly over his head. His phone buzzed constantly, prompting him to turn it off eventually. The sky had only just darkened when he heard a knock on the front door. He listened hard for signs of Leanne or Texas answering but heard nothing. Pulling his duvet around him like a shield, he trundled down the stairs and opened the door.

"I knew you'd be back." He said haughtily, turning his back on the visitor and throwing himself onto the sofa.

"I told you I would be." Walker said calmly, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

"And I told you not to. You're doing a great job of keeping your word." Doug answered bitingly.

"I'm not here to argue, sweetheart."

"Stop calling me that, I'm not your sweetheart."

Walker's gaze hardened. "You'll always be my sweetheart, Doug. Whether you want me or not."

Doug turned his face away, red tinge to his cheeks.

"Listen, I came here to tell you something important." Walker bent down before him, reaching for his hands under the duvet.

"Don't touch me!" Doug said, panicked. He was as surprised by his reaction as Walker was.

"Have you injured yourself?"

"No." Doug said. "I don't know what came over me just then."

Walker sighed deeply. "I'm sorry that my lies have troubled you so much. It was not my intention."

"No, your intention was to keep me as some kind of pet while you kept an eye on Brendan."

Walker backed away, face a picture of shock.

"You don't truly believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore." Doug answered, voice hollow.

Walker leaned towards him, too close, far too close.

"I _love_ you. You're all I care about, how can you not see that?"

"Who would love me, with Brendan Brady around?" Doug said, eyes gleaming with unshed tears.

"I don't love him." Walker said, absolute disgust colouring his tone.

"No, but you hate him more than you love me."

"Doug, no. It's not true. I was a different man back then. I've changed."

"I don't believe you." Doug huddled in on himself; he hated feeling so fragile.

"How can I prove it to you?" Walker begged, eyes intense and blazing.

"Tell me what you came to talk to me about." Doug replied, avoiding the question. "And please, can you…" Doug felt himself reddening again. Walker's hands were tightly gripping his knees. Doug felt flushed all over at the contact.

"What?"

"Can you not touch me?"

Walker stared down at his hands in wonderment. "Does my touch repulse you that much?"

"No, quite the opposite actually." Doug said truthfully, looking away from Walker's face.

"Oh." Walked pulled his hands away slowly.

There was an awkward pause until Walker spoke again.

"I've decided to leave for a few days."

"Right." Doug couldn't allow himself to say more than that, lest his voice betray him.

"You need time and me being here will not help you." Walker said gently. "But know that you will be in my thoughts constantly while I am gone."

"Sure." Doug said, throat tightening.

"Are you okay, lover?"

"Yes." Doug tried to sound angry, but it came out as more of a sob.

"No, don't cry." Walker said soothingly, climbing onto the sofa and pulling Doug towards him.

Doug tightened in his hold but decided that resistance was pointless. He broke down in Walker's arms, quiet sobs wracking his small body.

"I'm sorry." Walker said, kissing his hair. "I love you."

"Please don't."

"I can't stop." Walker chuckled softly. "You'll be okay without me."

Doug didn't want to say the words he was thinking, that he wouldn't be okay without him. He didn't want to give Walker that much power over him, no more than he had already anyway. The truth was he did believe Walker loved him, but he also knew that if he let him, Walker wouldn't leave him alone, not for one second if he knew how strongly Doug still felt for him.

"You can go, I'll be alright." Doug said, pulling himself together.

"It feels so good to hold you." Walker said, stroking his cheek softly.

"Please, Simon. Please." Doug's voice broke on the final word and it seemed to stir some compassion in Walker.

"I'll see you soon, sweetheart." Walker pressed his lips to Doug's cheek. Doug closed his eyes tightly, listening as he moved away from him and out of the door. He only opened his eyes once he was gone; it was too much to bear, seeing him leave.

Xxx

Walker pulled his hood over his head, darting towards the stairs. The door to the Brady's opened and he froze. Then he remembered that Brendan didn't live there anymore and he relaxed. He bowed his head, allowing the older man, Brendan's father, to pass by.

He stared after him in some fascination. The temptation to do something, say something, was overwhelming. But then he looked back at Doug's door and hesitated. He would keep his word; he would disappear for a few days, give Doug time to think. He only hoped there would be something worth coming back to.

He skirted towards the bus stop. Thankfully it was dark enough for him to slip by relatively unnoticed. The last thing he needed was someone recognising him and calling the police. It was a strange thing, being a fugitive. Walker was beginning to wonder what life he could possibly offer Doug as a result. Surely the boy was better off without him?

"Walker." A voice said by his side, catching him off guard. Doug had a way of imbedding himself in Walker's mind, causing him to distraction.

He glanced up carefully, amazed when he saw Ste standing before him, Brendan nowhere in sight.

"What are you doing here, Ste?"

"Are you going to leave us alone?" Ste crossed his arms. It had begun raining and the water droplets were catching in his eyelashes.

"By us, I presume you mean yourself and Brendan?" Walker asked levelly.

"Of course."

"Then yes, I will."

"I'm not sure I believe you."

"There's a lot of that going around." Walker murmured. "Look, I'm leaving for a few days. Take the time to… I don't know, work things out."

"What exactly do you plan on doing when you get back?" Ste asked suspiciously.

"Nothing that concerns you, I assure you."

"Am I supposed to just accept that? You hate Brendan."

"True, but contrary to popular belief, I love Doug more."

Ste took a moment to absorb his words.

"So you mean it then? You'll leave us alone, for Doug?"

"Yes." Walker said, exasperated now. His bus was pulling up. "Ste, I ask one favour of you."

"What?"

"Take care of Doug for me, he's... fragile."

"I wonder why!"

"Please." Walker said through gritted teeth. "I hate to beg."

"Save it." Ste said shortly. "I'll do it, he's a mate."

"I am putting my life in your hands." Walker said seriously, lowering his hood.

"Doug's your life now, is he?"

"Isn't Brendan yours? Besides your children?"

"Yes." Ste said with utter conviction. "And I'm his."

"Touching." Walker said dryly, stepping onto the bus. "You know my number, if I'm required."

"I don't 'ave your number!" Ste said in that pronounced way of his.

Walker closed his eyes, counting to five. "You do. I left it in the deli's keyhole. Don't tell Doug."

"Right." Ste rolled his eyes. "Have a good trip, wherever you're going."

Walker laughed a little. "I'd almost believe you meant that."

"Well I didn't, so this is awkward."

Walker shook his head, amused. "Bye, Ste."

"Whatever."

Xxx

Ste went straight over to the deli, fingering the keyhole to find the piece of paper Walker had left. He almost hoped that it wasn't there. He didn't know why Walker had left his number, especially in a place Doug could easily find it. Perhaps he didn't expect Doug back at work any time soon, the bastard.

A pair of hands on his shoulders made Ste jump out of his skin, shoving the piece of paper into his back pocket.

"You scared me!" He breathed, smiling up at Brendan.

"Sorry. I wondered where ye were."

"I was…" Ste trailed off, hesitant. They didn't lie to each other anymore. "Don't get mad but I was talking to Walker."

"What?" Brendan's expression darkened, glancing around them as though half expecting Walker to jump out at them.

"I saw him at the bus stop, wanted to know if he'd leave us alone now."

"Steven," Brendan cradled his face in his hands. "Ye don't have to do that."

"I'm not sitting around waiting to be shot, Brendan!" Ste huffed. "Anyway, he said he'll leave us alone, even when he gets back."

"And ye believe him?"

"No, but I like to think he's telling the truth about Doug."

"What about him?"

"That he loves him, that's he's his everything."

"Steven… I doubt the man's capable of-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Ste said, placing a finger over his lips. "People said the same thing about you once, me included."

"It's not the same, Steven. He does these things for his own sick pleasure, to hurt me."

"I know." Ste said quietly, bowing his head.

"Ye can't trust him." Brendan stressed, wrapping his arms around Ste's waist. "Don't go near him again, promise me."

"Brendan-"

"_Promise me._"

Ste rolled his eyes, relaxing into his arms. "Fine. Don't want to talk to him anyway, me. I only care about Doug."

Brendan raised his eyebrows, mouth twitching in amusement.

"You know what I mean!" He said, lightly shoving him. "Come on, let's go home."

Xxx

Doug dreamt that night and they were not pleasant dreams. Or they were, depending on how you looked at them.

He dreamt of Walker's hands all over him; stroking his smooth skin, opening him up, kissing his neck and chest. He felt warm all over with Walker's body pressed against his. He could feel him inside of him throughout and the feeling was so intensely life-like that Doug woke up wondering whether it was true.

Instead he awoke to a wet bed, shame creeping up his spine at the sight of it. He washed himself off in the shower and changed the sheets hastily. He threw them straight into the washing machine, dreading one of the girls finding them.

Deciding that he couldn't bear to stay in the same room where they'd made love, both in reality and the dream, Doug dressed himself for work.

Ste was intensely surprised to see him.

"Doug! I wasn't expecting you in, I was gonna pop over later."

"I had to get out of the house." Doug said bleakly, tying his apron on.

"I made you a casserole. Brendan ate half of it but the rest is fine."

Doug found himself smiling. "That's great, thanks."

"Have you even eaten since I made you that soup?"

Doug considered this. "No, can't say I have."

"And you didn't even finish it!" Ste tutted, moving out to the back. "I'm making you a sandwich."

"No, Ste I'm fine-"

"No arguing!" Ste grinned at him then. "You still like anything with pickles?"

"Yes, but-"

"Cheese and pickle it is then!" Ste winked, already swiping butter over the pieces of bread.

Doug sighed, relenting. "How are you anyway? And Brendan? Can't be easy… all this."

Ste shrugged, his eyes darting to the side anxiously. "We're fine, don't worry about us."

"You sure?"

"Yes! Now here, eat!" Ste shoved the plate towards him, wiping his hands on his apron. "Even cut the crusts off for ya." He said, pinching his cheeks.

"Gerroff, loony." Doug said, but he was smiling and it didn't feel like a strain. "Thanks." He said.

Ste nodded happily, probably sensing that Doug wasn't talking about the sandwich.

"You got any plans for tonight? You could come over, we got that casserole-"

"No, that's okay." Doug said quickly. He wasn't far gone enough to willingly have a night in with Brendan and Ste. "I'll be with the girls, it'll be fine."

Ste looked at him sceptically. "You sure? I don't wanna leave you on your own, right."

"What do you expect me to do?" Doug said, and then wished he hadn't. He'd forgotten that he'd told Ste about his suicide attempt the Christmas before last.

"I just worry, you know? It's a dad thing." Ste said, waving his hand.

"I'll be fine, honestly." Doug said, smiling for good measure.

"I've got me phone, if you need me." Ste said pointedly.

"I know." Doug sighed, exasperated.

Leanne and Texas came in around lunchtime, nudging each other happily.

"We've got great news!" Leanne piped up. Ste was out the back with the oven, out of earshot.

"Oh yeah?"

"Texas has been offered a place on this gallery in London for her photographs, we're getting the train up there tonight!"

"Oh that's great!" Doug said, genuinely happy for her. "Well done, you!"

Texas beamed at him but then her gaze softened. "We'd like you to come with us."

"Me?" Doug was surprised. "I don't wanna cramp your style…"

"You won't be! I'll need someone to talk to while Texas is doing all the boring stuff like showing her work off."

"Thanks, Leanne." Texas said. She turned back to Doug. "We aren't going without you!"

Doug sighed, glancing back at Ste. "How long would we be gone for?"

"Two days, tops." Texas said, bouncing on the tips of her toes. "Come on, we'll have such a great time!"

"Hang on." Doug said, undecided. He went out the back to Ste. "Hey, err will you be alright without me tomorrow?"

"I guess so, why?"

"The girls are going up to London and wanted me to go with them." Doug explained. "But if it's a problem-"

"No, you go." Ste said airily. "If I get stuck, Brendan can help out."

"He can?" Doug asked, puzzled.

"Oh yeah, I've been teaching him how to knead." Ste said proudly.

Doug laughed at the mental image. "Well that's great! I'll tell them yes then."

"It'll be good for you." Ste said pointedly.

"Yeah." Doug said uncertainly. It would definitely keep his mind off of things, that was for sure.

He finished the rest of his shift, rushing home to pack. It was a long train ride into London so he grabbed a book off the shelf, pausing when a slip of paper fell out from underneath. He picked it up carefully, not knowing what to expect. But it was only an old note Walker had written weeks ago to tell him to wait up for him that night, he'd be round late. Doug had found the note stuffed in a keyhole and had reprimanded Walker for being so careless. But Walker had told him he'd do anything to make Doug know he was thinking of him.

Doug didn't want to know that now. Even though Walker had assured him that he would be in his every thought, he didn't want it. It would be easier to let go if he could believe Walker didn't truly love him, that he was merely a pawn in his games. But of course he knew better, and his heart throbbed with it.

"Ready to go, Doug?" Leanne called happily up the stairs.

"Coming!" Doug called back, slipping the note into his pocket.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Walker pushed his way through the crowds on the underground station, agitated beyond belief. On the plus side, it wasn't as though anyone would recognise him in such a busy area. He'd only come to London to visit a few contacts; he needed more money after his last deal. He hadn't told Doug what he did for money, he didn't think the boy would approve. It was a necessary solution, in Walker's eyes. Besides, it wasn't as though he was dealing drugs. He was simply helping out those in tricky situations. With his training as a policeman, it was easy money.

He'd booked a cheap hotel for the few nights he was here. He'd meet his contacts elsewhere, not wanting to get too personal. He checked his phone regularly, hoping for something, anything, from Doug. There was nothing. He wondered if Ste had found his note and whether he'd kept it or thrown it away. Brendan would have, if he knew. Walker's blood boiled at the thought of him. The man had ruined his life yet again, taken away the only thing precious to him. He shook himself mentally, reminding himself of something Doug had always told him. You had to accept your own mistakes sometimes, and certainly being partly responsible for Lynsey's death hung heavily on his shoulders, more so now.

He sighed, running his hands through his hair as he sat on the creaky hotel bed. He should have been with Doug right now. He'd wanted to book somewhere posh, treat Doug like a prince. But now he was alone and Doug was home by himself, hating Walker. A part of him dared to hope that he could still love him enough to give him another chance. He couldn't comprehend a life without him now.

He went to shower and change, wanting to be presentable for his contact. Doug liked to brush his hair for him normally and Walker found himself snagging on the knots, not having that gentle touch like Doug did. He threw the comb angrily against the wall, running his fingers through his hair instead. It would have to do.

Xxx

Doug drifted off on the train into London. Thankfully he didn't have one of _those _dreams, but he did dream of Lynsey. Nothing specific, just her smiling kindly at him, brushing his cheek with her hand. He woke up with tears in the corners of his eyes. He hastily wiped them before the girls noticed.

"So where are we staying then?" He asked, stifling a yawn.

"We booked into a B&B." Texas said, checking her watch. "We might have to share beds though."

Doug waved his hand dismissively. "That's fine."

"What if we meet anyone tonight though, hm?" Leanne asked, nudging Texas in the ribs.

"We won't be taking them home though, will we?" Texas answered, rolling her eyes.

"Wait, why would we be meeting anyone?" Doug asked, confused.

"Well we're going to this club tonight, didn't we say?" Leanne explained.

"No, you didn't." Doug said, panic rising.

"Why do you think we've come up tonight? We have to try out one of the London clubs!" Leanne said excitedly.

"Do we?"

"It'll take your mind off things, Doug." Texas said gently, leaning across to squeeze his hand.

"Maybe." Doug agreed.

"If you hate it we'll go, won't we, Leanne?" Texas asked, staring at Leanne pointedly.

"If we have to." Leanne replied, disgruntled. Texas gave her a hard look.

They arrived at the station a little after nine and grabbed some fast food on their way out. Doug nibbled on his burger, not really tasting it. He hadn't been to London for a long time and he'd forgotten the bustle of it. If he didn't move out of someone's way, they were going to barrel straight into him. He didn't like the coldness of it all, how people pretty much ignored everyone else. It was so different in America where for the large part people were accommodating and almost over-friendly.

He was relieved when they got outside in the fresh air. It was a cold night and Doug linked their arms together both for warmth and comfort. He was glad he wasn't alone tonight and especially not in a place like this where it was so easy to lose yourself.

They dropped their bags off at the B&B and soon after made for one of the clubs. Doug wasn't entirely sure he was up for it but he put on a brave face for the sake of the girls. The club was heaving; smoke and lights swallowing them up. Doug ordered some drinks and located a corner for them to sit in.

"This is nice!" Leanne shouted above the noise. "We should dance when we've finished these."

"Oh I don't know." Doug said uneasily.

"Aw come on, Doug. Don't be a spoilsport!" Leanne pouted, tugging on his arm.

Doug sighed, downing the rest of his drink. "Keep the drinks coming and I will."

Several hours later and Doug didn't disappoint. He danced with the girls, having drink after drink, eventually forgetting how many he'd even had. His money was nearly all gone and he was glad they had paid upfront for the B&B.

The girls attracted some male attention and Doug found himself pushed surreptitiously to the side. He made his way to the bar, gripping the counter so hard it almost hurt. A man with pale blue eyes gave him a small smile. He was nice looking and Doug almost smiled back until he felt his stomach lurch.

He rushed outside of the club, bowing over and spilling his dinner all over the pavement; not that he'd eaten much anyway. His stomach tightened painfully as he retched, unable to bring any more up but desperately needing to. The drink would find it's way to the surface soon enough and Doug decided to sit down for a moment. He felt dizzy with sickness and his skin was burning with it. He went out of sight of the people entering the club, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention. He felt incredibly light-headed and the need to close his eyes was overwhelming. If he just laid there for a second, he'd feel better…

Xxx

Brendan rested against the sofa, his boy heavy but welcoming in his lap. Steven shifted himself so he was half laying across him, head pillowed against Brendan's crotch.

"What's this rubbish?" Steven asked, stretching and yawning. Brendan followed the movement of his shirt riding up with intense fascination. "Bren?"

"Oh, it's Spartacus." Brendan said after a beat.

"Who's he?" Steven asked, face scrunching up in confusion.

"Ye didn't learn about him at school?"

"Wasn't there much really." Steven replied, shrugging. "Go on then, teach me."

"It'd take too long. In this version," Brendan gestured to the television screen. "He's forced to be a slave and a gladiator but all he can focus on is getting his love back."

"Aw." Steven's mouth turned down at the corners. "That's dead sad, init?"

"Yeah." Brendan said softly.

"There was me thinking it was just a load of blokes with their cocks out."

Brendan laughed, a deep, low rumble. "That too."

Steven sat up a little, eyebrows drawn together suspiciously. "I hope you aren't looking."

"Bit hard not to."

"No it isn't."

"Steven, it's right _there_."

"But they're all beefy and I'm…" Steven poked sadly at his belly. "I'm all chicken arms and no tummy."

"Shut up, ye are perfect." Brendan sighed, gently pushing him back to his original position. "I like yer arms, and yer tummy."

"Prove it."

"I'm not doing it again, Steven." Brendan said, rolling his eyes.

"Aw, please! You know I like it." He stared up at him with doe eyes; beautiful blue and framed by dark lashes.

"Alright." Brendan sighed, pulling Steven's shirt up and splaying his hands on his bare stomach. "Like this?"

"No that tickles!" Steven giggled, twitching.

Brendan made his strokes firmer, rolling his head back at the absurdity of the situation.

"Ye aren't a fucking cat, Steven."

"But it feels dead good."

Brendan sighed, continuing his movements. "There are much nicer things to be stroking…" he said suggestively, his hand trailing lower.

"Naughty." Steven grinned up at him, eyes sparkling in amusement. Brendan heard a low, humming noise.

"Are ye purring?!"

"No! It's me phone!" Steven shifted a little, pulling his phone from his pocket. "It's Leanne." He whispered to Brendan before answering.

"What does she want?"

Steven moved out of his lap, sitting up straight. "Slow down, I can't understand you. What's wrong?" Steven paused, his expression unreadable. Brendan began to feel tense. His hand hovered over Steven's arm, unsure of whether to grasp him in panic or pull him close in fear.

"What is it?" He hissed.

"Doug's missing." Steven explained to him quietly. "Right but what am I supposed to do, Leanne? I'm not in London!" He pressed his lips together in agitation, considering. "Alright! I have an idea, bear with me." He hung up, chewing on his bottom lip.

"What idea?" Brendan asked quickly.

"You won't like it."

"Just tell me."

Steven took a deep breath. "I should call Walker."

Brendan took a moment to process this. "No."

"What else can I do?"

"Why do ye even have his number?" Brendan asked, trying to calm his voice.

Steven stood up, hands twitching in agitation. "He gave me it."

"What for?" Brendan asked sharply.

"In case anything happened to Doug and now look…" Steven stared at him reproachfully. "What else can I do?"

"He's not to be trusted." Brendan said, bite to his voice.

"I know that, but he'll find Doug, won't he?"

"How do ye even know that?"

"You would find me." Steven said simply. Brendan found himself at a loss to respond. "I'll text him then, if that's easier."

"I guess." Brendan said, slumping back down on the sofa.

Steven called Leanne back first for the name of the club and then his fingers were moving carefully over the buttons, composing a text.

"How do you spell this?" Steven asked in frustration, showing Brendan the word in question.

"Here," Brendan took the phone carefully out of his hands. "Let me." He finished the message, swallowing his anger at having to send it. "Can we…?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"Course." Steven said, dazed. He curled up beside Brendan on the sofa once more. Brendan wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"Ye promised ye know."

"But you're here, so I'm hardly keeping it quiet."

"Ye wouldn't do that, would ye? Keep it quiet?"

"No." Steven said, laying his head against Brendan's chest. "We're past all that now."

"Glad to hear it." Brendan murmured, kissing the top of his head. "Can we finish watching the men with their cocks out now?"

"Sure. That one's pretty fit actually."

Brendan tilted his head, stony faced.

Steven laughed, giving him a sloppy kiss. "Now who's jealous?"

Xxx

Walker stared at the hotel wall darkly, hating the silence in the air and how it suffocated him. His fingers itched to reach out and call Doug but he knew it would be pointless. He needed to give the boy some space if he was ever going to come back to him. He had to, didn't he? They were joined now, inseparable. Walker couldn't imagine a life without him, didn't think he'd survive it.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed with life. He held it reverently in front of him, frowning when he saw who the message was from. Once he opened it however he was rising from his bed with the swiftness he was fortunate enough to possess, darting out of the door and into the night within moments.

It didn't take him long to locate the right club. Thankfully it was on the east side of London, like he was. He decided against going inside; he didn't think he could face the belligerence of Leanne and Texas. Ste had told him they'd already checked inside. Walker guessed Doug had gone outside for some air, especially if he'd been drinking. Walker swallowed down the rage that threatened to overpower him, another reason to avoid the girls. He couldn't comprehend how someone could be so thoughtless.

Pushing his own feelings aside, he began searching around the back of the club, checking dark corners for any sign of Doug. He was already frustrated, cursing himself and cursing Brendan for this. If he hadn't left him, this wouldn't have happened. If Brendan hadn't told him, Doug would still be with him. He abandoned all hope of reasonableness; right now he could kill the Irishman, Doug's words be damned.

After an extensive search of the perimeter of the club, Walker checked the nearby alleyways. He didn't have to look very far; Doug was sprawled in a heap down one right beside the club. Walker rushed towards him, hesitant to move him in case he was injured.

"Doug? Can you hear me?" He asked firmly. He felt at his neck, heart thumping in agony. "Please, no." He whispered, fearing the worst. Thankfully he felt the beat underneath his fingertips. He breathed out a sigh of relief, turning Doug's body into the recovery position; he was fortunate he hadn't vomited and choked.

He debated calling an ambulance but Doug seemed okay, just unconscious. He felt his arms and legs tentatively, satisfying himself that he wasn't injured anywhere. He carefully scooped him up into his arms, ignoring the way his knees locked under the weight. Doug was much smaller than him but Walker wasn't exactly the weight lifting type; he preferred activities like yoga.

Leanne and Texas were outside the club when he turned the corner. They rushed towards them, anxious and fearful.

"Where's your hotel?" Walker asked them briskly before they could say anything.

"We got a B&B just up the road." Texas said weakly, clearly the braver one of the two.

"Let's go." Walker said bluntly, hoisting Doug closer into his arms.

"Is he okay?" Leanne practically squeaked.

"Fine, just unconscious. How much did you let him drink?" Walker couldn't hide the contempt from his voice and Leanne's demeanour changed to one of defence.

"Hey, don't put this on us! He wouldn't have been drinking himself to death if it wasn't for you!"

"Leanne!" Texas hissed in warning.

"What?"

"I just want to get him somewhere safe and warm." Walker said through gritted teeth.

"It's not far." Texas said calmly, glaring at Leanne.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. The woman running the B&B looked less than impressed at their entry, grumbling about curfews. Walker gave her a steady look and she soon silenced, allowing them to go upstairs.

Walker laid Doug carefully in one of the beds, pulling the covers over him and pushing the hair back from his forehead.

"Can I trust you to watch over him tonight?" He asked the girls, not looking at them.

"Well-" Leanne began angrily but Texas cut her off.

"Of course."

"Good." Walker straightened, his eyes not leaving Doug's face. "Do not tell him I was here, or that I found him."

"Why not?" Leanne asked. Walker turned to her, eyes piercing. It didn't seem to faze her. She crossed her arms haughtily and didn't break eye contact. Walker respected that.

"We aren't on the best terms, I don't want to complicate an already delicate situation."

"To put it lightly." Leanne huffed. Texas shot her a glare.

"Thank you for finding him." She said nervously, pulling Leanne back. She was clearly afraid of him. From what Walker had heard, she'd had her fair share of psycho's.

"I didn't do it for you." He said coldly.

"No, I know." Texas said quickly. "We didn't realise he'd left the club."

"Right." Walker said, sharp edge to his voice. He decided to leave before he lost his temper. "Take this." He said, writing out the address of his hotel on a piece of scrap paper. "Just in case anything goes wrong."

Texas took it from him silently.

"Don't let Doug see it."

They nodded, not saying another word as he left the room, shutting the door quietly after him.

Xxx

Doug stirred in the middle of the night, as far as he could tell. The sky was tinged with lighter blue; morning hadn't yet broken. He'd only woken because his stomach was in agony. He hastened to get to the bathroom, spilling the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He rested his head against the cold surface of the lid, eyes squeezed shut.

"Doug?" It was Texas. Her hair was ruffled and she was wearing pyjamas with pandas on them. Doug found himself smiling.

"Hey, you."

"Are you alright?" She asked, kneeling beside him to stare anxiously into his face. "I'm so sorry."

"What happened?" Doug asked. He had no idea how he'd gotten back to the B he only remembered being in the alleyway and then nothing after that.

"We found you." Texas began uncertainly.

"How did you get me back here?" Doug asked.

"We had help." Texas said, her eyes darting away from Doug's face.

"Who?"

"The… bouncer." Texas said after a small pause. Doug frowned at her.

"I've known you for years, Texas. You think I don't know when you're lying?"

Texas stared guiltily at the floor, her hands wringing together.

"He said we couldn't tell you."

"Who?" Doug pressed.

"Walker." Texas said so quietly that for a moment Doug thought he had misheard her.

"Why was he here?" Doug asked once he'd processed what she was saying.

"Ste contacted him."

"_Ste_?"

"I don't know why or how, but we called Ste for help and then he asked for the club's name and address and next thing we knew Walker was carrying you in his arms-"

"He was _what_?"

"We had no choice, Doug! You weren't moving and we couldn't find you in the first place. Ste thought it was the best solution."

Doug could hardly believe what he was hearing. "And where's Simon now?"

"Back at his hotel I guess." Texas said, shrugging.

"Did he leave an address?"

Texas' eyes flashed with fear.

"Give it to me."

"He said not to."

"Texas…"

"You saw what happened to Lynsey! I can't get involved with another killer." Texas said, speaking in a rush. Doug was rendered speechless. "I'm sorry, Doug but you're better off without him."

"I know that." Doug said, voice softer. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Texas breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we go back to bed then?"

"Course." Doug smiled, washing his mouth out in the sink first. "Thanks for letting me have the other bed by the way."

"It's fine, I might have to come in with you soon though, Leanne kicks in her sleep." Texas laughed, her dark eyes sparkling even in the darkness.

"You don't need to tell me that. I'm just glad you aren't snoring."

"I don't snore." Texas said sharply.

"Sure." Doug smirked, climbing back into bed. He laid on his back, eyes wide open. He waited a while until he could hear Texas' soft breathing across from him. He threw the covers off then, carefully locating her jacket and rifling through the pockets until he found the address.

He zipped his coat up quietly, feeling guilty but knowing that he couldn't possibly leave things there. He slipped quietly out of the B&B, suspecting that the automatic lock would keep him out when he came back. He didn't know what he'd do about that.

Luckily Walker's hotel wasn't far. Doug wondered if he'd known Doug was here and planned accordingly. He hoped not. The sun was beginning to rise which was fortunate. The streets were fairly empty; it seemed to be the one time of day where London slept. Doug found the hotel easily enough. He went through the doors, unsurprised when he saw the desk unmanned. He checked the slip of paper for the room number, taking the elevator up.

He didn't know what to do when he arrived at the right door. He took a deep breath and knocked sharply.

"Who is it?" Came a muffled voice from inside.

"It's Doug." Doug said, much more confident than he felt. The door opened suddenly, making him topple into the room.

"Sorry." Walker said, holding him steady. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't blame the girls, I left while they were sleeping." Doug said straight away.

"I wouldn't hurt them, Doug. They're your friends."

"It didn't stop you before." Doug said, voice dull. Walker stared at him like he'd just slapped him round the face.

"I deserved that." He said eventually. "But you still haven't told me what you're doing here."

Doug wasn't entirely sure himself but he stood his ground, tried to ignore how close Walker was and how his hands were still gripping his waist from where he'd fallen through the door.

Walker took his hands away as though reading his thoughts. Doug felt cold from where he'd touched him.

"Talk to me." He said quietly, sitting on the edge of his bed.

Doug had to stare straight ahead to calm the trembling in his limbs. The bed in front of him was not helping his resolve.

"Why did you come to the club?" He asked, trying to steady his voice.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Don't say it's because you love me. I need more than that." Doug said, avoiding looking at Walker's face.

"But that is the reason." Walker said imploringly. "I just want to look after you."

"I don't want looking after. I want you to be honest with me." Doug replied calmly.

"I'm trying, sweetheart."

"I want you to treat me like a person, no more 'sweetheart'." Doug said firmly. He chanced a look at Walker's face, then wished he hadn't.

"If it bothers you of course I'll stop." Walker said reluctantly. "You're just so precious to me, I want to compliment you."

"Give me something real, not something artificial."

Walker stared at him blankly. "What do you mean?"

"Figure it out!" Doug shouted suddenly, anger rising.

"What do you want from me?" Walker stood then, towering over him. "You know I adore you, what more do you want?"

"I want…" Doug grasped the air, unable to put it into words.

"Do you want me to tell you why I love you? That it isn't just your beauty, which is mesmerising by the way, but how good you are, how pure. How you see the good in people regardless of what they've done. The way you try, even with people who don't deserve it. The way you look at me with that silly smile on your face and how your eyes light up when I enter the room. The way your body moulds so perfectly against mine, how you arch and writhe beneath me and completely give in. How soft your lips are and your skin. The way you blush and stammer when you're nervous. The way you took me in when I had no one, and loved me knowing full well I was no good for you. The way you still confront me now, knowing how dangerous I am. I love everything about you. I can't help that. And I'm not sorry for it."

The air was thick with tension between them. Doug had the most overwhelming desire to throttle him senseless, but instead he launched himself at him, kissing him with a fierceness he never had before.

Walker took a hold of him like he was born to do this, pulling the both of them back towards the bed. Doug straddled him, holding Walker's wrists above his head in a vice-like grip. He kissed him hard, teeth clattering together with the intensity of it. He pulled back to smile a little sheepishly but Walker pulled his head back down, delving his tongue into his mouth.

Doug smoothed his hands over Walker's skin, kissing his neck and chest almost too quickly, accidentally biting the skin often .Walker groaned low in the back of his throat, tugging at Doug's hair almost painfully. Their clothes were practically ripped from their bodies in their haste, hands exploring and rough. This was not the time for tenderness. Doug was still furious with him but he wanted him more than he hated him. There was a fire burning in his belly that he couldn't ignore and he was desperate to feel something again, even if it left him hollow and broken afterwards.

Walker attempted to flip their positions but Doug was having none of it. He clamped his thighs around Walker's waist, sucking on two of his fingers before spreading himself and fingering his entry. Walker watched him with dark desire, itching to touch but knowing that Doug wouldn't allow it.

He spread himself wide, fingers fumbling in their haste to prepare himself. He had never wanted to be entered so badly and now with Walker stroking his cock with both hands and kissing his chest with breath hot and ragged he was even more overwhelmed with the need.

It was almost savage the way he threw his head back and growled. Walker was all over him, surrounding every possible sense. He could feel his touch, smell his scent, taste the sex in the air. He pushed him roughly onto the bed, caught between the desire to make him continue because of how good it felt and wanting it to stop lest he lose himself completely.

He spread himself wider, lowering himself onto Walker's stiff cock. He groaned with the way he fit himself around him, like it was made for his body. Walker's eyes rolled back, biting his lip hard as Doug slowly levered himself all the way down. It felt good to be the one in control and Doug relished the noises he elicited from Walker. He had never felt something so intense in all his life and he wondered vaguely how he would continue afterwards, knowing this was as good as it got.

Walker gripped his hips, pushing Doug up to allow himself to thrust into him. Doug braced himself carefully, palms aching with the effort of holding himself up. They didn't stop for a moment and Doug could feel the slow burn of their heat igniting inside of him.

He came so suddenly his vision blurred, or perhaps it was down to his earlier sickness. Walker was like a sickness; something he couldn't cast aside or shake off. But he was also something Doug craved, like a drug. He would always want to go back for more and he hated himself for it.

He clenched as he came, sending Walker to his own orgasm; his voice raw by now with the noises he'd been making.

They lay panting together after, bodies slick with sweat. Doug rolled off quickly, not wanting the closeness to cloud his judgement. He pulled his clothes back on after he'd cleaned himself off and without another word, left the room.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**A/N**: Final chapter! Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing.

Chapter Eleven

Doug remembered a time when things had seemed perfect, when life and its circumstances had almost allowed him to believe that things could change.

Walker had planned a surprise for him. They took a bus, which was surreal in itself, and then walked the remainder of the way. Walker had never shown Doug where he lived before and Doug found his heart twisting in sympathy when he saw the squalid living conditions he endured. But Walker was grinning at him, eyes shining in glee. He grabbed Doug's hand and pulled him around the side of the small building and revealed to him a motorcycle, glinting against the stark sunlight.

Doug blinked, caught between marvelling at the beautiful machine and wondering why Walker was showing him it.

His question was answered when Walker dangled the keys in front of his face.

"Fancy a go?"

Doug laughed at him, grin splitting his entire face. Walker didn't lose his smile, his hand didn't lower. Doug's face slowly began to fall.

"You're serious?"

"Of course I am!" Walker said, pulling him over excitedly. Doug had never seen him like this. "She purrs, Doug."

"She?" Doug asked incredulously, trying not to laugh.

"Yes, she's a lady. I treat her right."

"What's her name?" Doug gave him a look.

"I don't know what you-"

"Simon." Doug said sternly.

"Tessa." Walker whispered reluctantly.

"Pretty." Doug said, smoothing a hand over her shiny surface.

He moved his hand away, prompting Walker to pull out a tissue to wipe where his hand had printed.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Doug laughed.

"She's precious." Walker said reverently.

"All the more reason for me to not try her out."

"You must." Walker said firmly, patting the seat in what he probably imagined was an enticing way.

"Err…" Doug took a step back, hands held out in a placating way. "I'd hate to upset her."

"You wouldn't want to upset me though, right?" Walker asked, stalking towards him with intention clear in his eyes.

"Don't bribe me, it won't work."

"You reckon?" Walker leaned against the bike, hair falling gracefully into his eyes. His hand rested casually on Doug's hip, stroking through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. "Come on, live a little."

Doug's eyes sparkled with the challenge. "Fine, so be it."

A few minutes later and Doug was straddling the bike, thighs stretched to breaking point.

"I can't even reach the floor!"

"I need to adjust the seat, we can do that before you go for a ride."

"I told you I'm not riding this thing!"

"She has a name, Doug. Don't be rude."

Doug rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I can't work it. I'll fall off."

"No you won't, I'll show you." Walker said softly, placing his hands over Doug's. "Let me explain to you what these do."

Doug sighed, receiving his lesson with reluctance.

"Right, tell me where the throttle is." Walker said when they were finished.

"I'll throttle you in a minute." Doug murmured under his breath. Walker flashed him a wicked grin. Doug couldn't help returning it.

"You really don't want to ride her?" Walker asked, crestfallen. Doug felt a twinge of guilt.

"I don't feel confident enough. Can't you take us for a spin first?"

Walker's eyes lit up at this suggestion.

"Of course!" Without warning he threw his leg over the seat, nudging Doug back in the process.

"Don't you have a helmet?" Doug shouted over the roar of the bike.

"Only one. It's at the back." Walker called back. Doug grappled behind him, thrusting the helmet onto his head.

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine! Hold on tight."

Doug didn't need telling twice. They tore away, gravel shooting everywhere in their wake. Doug pressed himself as close to Walker's back as possible, arms tightly wound around his waist.

"I don't like it!" He yelled, eyes squeezing shut.

"You will!" Walker called back, picking up speed.

Doug held him tighter, his small legs dangling over the sides. He found the foot holders eventually. He placed his feet over Walker's.

"Open your eyes, Doug." Walker told him.

"I'm scared."

"I'm here, there's nothing to be scared of." Walker reassured him. Doug slowly unscrewed his eyes. He could hardly see anything in the helmet; he decided to take it off.

He was hit full force by a gust of wind. His eyes watered at the contact but he kept them open. They were on a long stretch of road, open-ended and deserted.

"Where are we?"

"Nowhere." Walker replied, he sounded unbelievably fond.

'Nowhere' suddenly didn't sound so bad. Doug pressed his lips to the back of Walker's neck, gaining a small smile from the older man.

"Feel better?"

"It's… amazing." Doug couldn't ignore the tingle in his belly, or the way his limbs felt loose and easy. He threw his head back, yowling to the wind. Walker's laugh rumbled along with his voice; free, happy.

Doug stared now at Walker's bike, shackled to a post outside his hotel. He was surprised Walker had risked riding it here; he never rode it into the village for fear someone would recognise it. The bike was registered in Doug's name, just in case. Doug had insisted of course; Walker had taken a lot of convincing.

"Doug!" A voice called after him. Doug turned a fraction, spotting Walker running out, his shirt hanging off him.

"Leave me alone!" He called back, glaring once more at the bike for the sweet memories it provided that made him ache now, and tearing off down the road.

"Will you not even speak to me?" Walker pleaded, easily catching up with him. His strides were longer, his agility more obvious.

"I can't." Doug spun round, almost bumping straight into him. "Why are you always _here? _So close to me _all the time_?"

Walker blinked. "Do you mean literally or…?"

"Both!" Doug spluttered, barely understanding himself.

"You know why." Walker said, eyes steely. "I lo-"

"No!" Doug pushed him away, attempting to flee again.

"Doug please!" Walker grabbed his wrist. "Just calm down, okay? Why did you kiss me and make love to me if you hate me so much?"

"You really want the answer to that?" Doug countered, breaths heaving in his chest.

"Of course I do." Walker said seriously.

"I can't hate you." Doug said, words spilling out of him so quickly he could choke on them. "I love you, but I can't ever forgive you for the things you've done."

Walker's expression darkened. "If Ste can forgive Brendan-"

"I'm not Ste!" Doug shouted. "You watched someone I love _die. _How am I supposed to get over that?"

"In time perhaps-"

"No." Doug shook his head, his heart hammering in his chest. "No."

"No?" Walker gripped his wrist more firmly.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't just forget you. I need to go."

"Go?" Walker's expression shifted to one of intense distress. "You can't just _go_."

"I can, I have to." Doug said, his voice shaking with emotion.

"Where?" Walker spluttered.

"America? I don't know!" Doug took advantage of Walker's momentary distraction to pull his wrist free. "I just know that I can't be with you, and I certainly can't be without you either."

"Then I will leave." Walker said severely.

"But you won't. You'll come back, I know you will."

Walker pressed his lips firmly together. "I won't just let you go."

"I'm sorry." Doug said, taking a step back.

Walker grasped the air helplessly. Doug had never seen him look so distraught.

"At least let me give you a ride home."

"No." Doug stared past him. "It wouldn't be right."

"Doug-"

"Just, let me go." Doug said, eyes pleading. Walker lowered his hand brokenly, allowing Doug the time to slip away from him. This was not to be their final confrontation.

Xxx

Doug went home with a heavy heart. The girls hadn't noticed his absence from the hotel luckily. He'd come back with breakfast, pretending that he'd left early that morning to collect some. Feigning sickness, he had decided to travel home a day early. They were disappointed of course but understood; Texas more so than Leanne.

When he got back to the village, after going home first he went straight over to the deli. Ste was sitting on the counter, legs swinging happily.

"Doug!" He jumped off to greet him. "You're back early!"

"Yeah." Doug murmured, putting his apron on.

"What's up?" Ste asked cheerily, clapping him a little too hard on the shoulder.

"Ste…" Doug began awkwardly.

Ste's face fell. "What?"

"I don't know how to say this…"

"Just say it." Ste braced himself, forearm tensed against the deli counter.

"I'm leaving, soon as I can."

"Why?" Ste's immediate response was confusion.

"You know why." Doug said quietly. "I'm not saying it's forever but…"

"You can't just take off without any warning!" Ste said, growing angry now.

"I know it's not fair on you but I can help you find someone else."

Ste shook his head in disbelief. "You'd really leave? Because of him?"

"Yeah." Doug said quietly, leaning back and crossing his arms.

Ste frowned. "How?"

Doug understood his meaning straight away. Ste was wondering how Doug had the strength to leave Walker when he loved him so badly.

"I don't know, but I have to try."

"Will you ever come back?"

"I honestly don't know." Doug sighed, rubbing at his face tiredly. "I know there's some financial things we'd have to talk about but-"

"I don't care about that right now." Ste said dismissively. "What's changed? You were set on staying clear of him before you went to London."

"You know it isn't that easy." Doug said sheepishly. "And I know that you told him where I was." Doug looked at him carefully then. "Why did you?"

"I was worried, and he was the only one I knew who could find you."

"You were right." Doug said. "I went to find him again after and things happened." He didn't need to explain what those 'things' were. Ste nodded in understanding.

"I guess if you feel this is for the best…" Ste said carefully.

"I hope it is." Doug replied, smiling tightly.

"I'll miss you though, for what it's worth."

"And I'll miss you."

Ste pulled him forwards for a one-armed hug. Doug smiled into his shoulder, content for the fact that he at least was able to make things right here. No regrets.

Xxx

Walker fingered the cool metal in his fingers, eyes wide and unblinking in grief. He was shrouded in shadow, in his normal hiding place. Doug was standing outside the deli with his bags, his entourage in tow. Walker could hardly watch.

Ste went to pat him on the back and that was when Brendan came into view, placing a gentle hand on Ste's hip. Walker didn't know if it was a possessive act but it made him sick regardless. How could Brendan get everything, the boy, the life, when Walker was left with nothing? This was down to _him. _Walker couldn't stomach it any longer, this was his moment to set things right, consequences be damned. What did he really have to lose anyway?

He strode out towards them, purposeful and determined. Doug was the first to spot him, naturally. His eyes widened in fear; not because of Walker but because of how he was exposing himself. Villagers walked by him, faces scrunched up in near recognition.

Brendan was the first to react. He pulled Ste behind him, eyes blazing in anger. He knew Walker's intent, was written all over his face. Walker pulled the cool metal out the back of his trousers and pointed it straight at Brendan.

"Brady," He said coldly, clicking the safety off. "This ends now."

"Simon!" Doug started towards him, voice laced with fear and apprehension. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm ending it, Doug." Walker said, not looking at him.

"You can't!" Doug grabbed his arm. "Please!"

"I knew it would come to this in the end." Brendan said calmly.

Walker blocked out Doug's pleas, focusing in on Brendan.

"Did you ever stop wanting this?" Brendan asked him.

"No." Walker said honestly. "I did try, but it was always going to end this way."

"Simon!" Doug pleaded again. "You promised me."

Walker turned to him sharply. "You promised you'd never leave me." He said bitterly. "Now look."

"I have to leave, you know I do!"

"I don't know anything except this." Walker raised the gun again. "I could have had everything if it wasn't for him."

"That's not true!" Doug said desperately. "You wouldn't have even known me if it wasn't for Brendan!"

Walker fixed his gaze on him then. "What?" He asked sharply.

"You came to me a broken man, we grew close because of this pain we shared." Doug placed his hand over his heart and the other over Walker's. "We've both lost so much." He said breathlessly.

"Because of him!" Walker screeched, raising the gun again after a momentary hesitation.

"That's bullshit!" Ste piped up, pushing himself out from behind Brendan. Brendan made to grab him, panic-stricken. "We make our own choices and your brother did that when he took those pills. It wasn't Brendan, if anything it was you for not looking after him properly!"

"Watch it, boy." Walker growled. "I pointed a gun at you once, don't think I won't again."

"Try it." Ste warned. "But know that if you do this, you'll never see Doug again. Look at him, Walker. He isn't like us, any of us. Are you willing to throw everything away for the sake of killing Brendan?"

Walker looked from Doug to Brendan, face cold and set. He wasn't going to listen to Ste, he was wrong. And yet, Doug was staring at him, love still evident in his eyes. His lips kept forming the word 'please', a wordless cry of desperation. Walker hated to hurt him, but he couldn't live knowing Brendan would continue.

"I have to do this." Walker said, deadly calm.

Ste took a step back, clutching Brendan's arm desperately.

"Go inside, Steven." Brendan said quietly, attempting to hide the emotion in his voice. Walker stared at him in complete fascination.

"No, I'm not leaving you!"

"It's what I want, please." Brendan turned to him, cradling his cheek gently.

"I don't care!" Ste said roughly, grabbing Brendan's hand from his face and holding it tight. "I will _not _leave you."

"Then you'll both die." Walker said, voice hollow.

Distantly, he heard sirens approaching. This was his moment. He cocked the gun, pointing it at the both of them. Ste turned to Brendan and smiled, his face shining with happiness.

"I love you."

"I love ye." Brendan drew him close for a kiss. Walker's expression hardened as his finger tightened on the trigger.

"No!" Doug shouted, jumping in front of them. Walker started, releasing his finger immediately.

"Get out of the way!" Walker said roughly.

"If you want to kill them, you'll have to kill me too."

Walker lowered the gun straight away. The police were closing in on them now, someone must have called them.

"You know I can't do that." Walker said desperately.

"Look at me." Doug grabbed his face, bringing their noses to touching point. "If you stop this, I'll stay with you."

"It's not how I want it." Walker shook his head. "I won't force you."

"Simon…"

"Drop the weapon!" The police were around them now, weapons raised. Brendan pushed Ste back again, eyes set determinedly on Walker.

"What's it gonna be, huh?" Brendan rasped. "Come on, Simon."

"What do you want from me?" Walker growled, pushing Doug aside.

"I want this to end with us, not them."

"Couldn't agree more."

"We'll be forced to shoot if you don't drop the weapon!"

"Please! Give us one more minute." Doug shouted fearfully, grabbing Walker's arm.

Walker smiled, a dark, ugly smile. "I still don't know if I want to kill you."

"Well, ye best decide one way or another." Brendan replied coldly.

"I want you to suffer like I have." Walker spat. His eyes turned to Ste once more. "You don't deserve happiness."

"If ye touch one hair on his head…" Brendan said warningly, bracing himself.

"You'll what? Kill me? I'm already dead."

Brendan lunged forwards then, tackling him. Walker, taken unawares, only had a second to react. He shoved Brendan roughly at the same moment a shot rang out in the distance, a mistake.

Ste screamed in agony, the sound ringing in Walker's ears. Doug was shouting his name but it sounded distant to him.

He vaguely saw Brendan on the floor, Ste on top of him. Brendan was staring at himself in wonderment, unscathed. The bullet hadn't reached him, it would have if Walker hadn't pushed him. That was the moment Doug realised and he sank to his knees, catching Walker as he fell.

"No no no no." He begged, holding Walker in his arms. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" He screamed at the police. There was deathly silence in the air. Walker's gun clattered to the floor.

"It's okay, sweetheart." Walker said softly, indulging himself a moment. "It's okay."

"It's not." Doug sobbed, feeling where the bullet had left a stream of blood in it's wake. Walker could feel it seeping through his shirt; he couldn't feel much else. "WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" He screamed.

"Shh." Walker reached for him, brushing the tears away from his face. "Don't cry, my love."

"We need to get you help." Doug cried, holding him closer.

"It's too late." Walker rasped. His vision was cloudy and he had the strangest sense of emptiness.

"No, you can't leave me." Doug stroked his fingers through his hair.

"I forgive you, for wanting to leave. I don't blame you." Walker said quickly, wanting to make things right. "I love you, you know that?"

"Of course I know that." Doug kissed him then, his tears drying on Walker's face. "I love you too."

"I'm sorry I broke my promise." Walker coughed then, wondering if he would ever stop.

"It doesn't matter now, don't even think about it." Doug said quietly. "I was stupid to think we could just end. I'm always gonna be yours, aren't I?"

"Yes." Walker said, smiling a little. "You always will be."

Doug smiled then, his blue eyes shining. "You're gonna be okay, I know you will. And then we can…" Doug trailed off, uncertain.

"It's enough that you're here now." Walker said truthfully. "Listen, did you find my note?"

"Your note?" Doug asked blankly.

"I left it in your keyhole." Walker told him. "Afterwards, find it. Go to the address, it's yours."

"What's mine?"

"You'll see." Walker grasped his hand. "You made me happier than I ever thought was possible." He stared past him at Brendan. Brendan stared back at him, holding a still shaking Ste in his arms. "It was how it had to be. I could never let it go…"

"You can now." Doug whispered. "It's over."

"Yes." Walker closed his eyes. He didn't want to spend his last moments full of hate, hate for the man he had unwittingly saved from this fate. He realised now it meant nothing, Brendan meant nothing. Cam had been everything, and so had Doug. That was who he wanted to focus on now.

"You need to open your eyes." Doug told him, voice shaking. Walker did so, a small smile gracing his lips.

"You are beautiful." He said. "The last thing I'll ever see… it's all a man like me can ask for."

"Don't say that." Doug leaned down closer to Walker's face.

Walker pulled himself up to kiss his forehead, breathing him in one last time.

"Doug…" he said very quietly, his vision darkening and then fading to complete blackness.

Xxx

Doug sat cross legged on the grass, hands immersed in the dirt. He had come here every day since the funeral. Walker had been buried beside his brother, matching headstones. It was what he would have wanted.

He sat in silence most of the time, not believing in the notion that they could hear you. Whenever he had visited Bex's grave he had done the same, unable to voice the grief in his heart. Now he was held by a stronger force. He didn't want to say the wrong thing, if Walker were indeed watching over him. The strange thing was, Doug felt him everywhere he went, but not here. He felt him when he woke up in the morning, when he was in the shower, walking in the street past the spot it happened. He felt it most strongly when he saw Brendan and Ste together. It wasn't entirely unwelcome but Doug was tired of grieving in a place Walker had loathed. He didn't want to stay anymore.

"Time to do what you told me." Doug said quietly. He didn't speak much these days. His friends were on tenterhooks around him, watching his every move. They were frightened of what he might do, Ste especially after last time. They didn't need to be though. Doug knew that Walker would have wanted him to carry on. After Cam, he would have wanted Doug to live.

Doug brought out the piece of paper that contained the address on it Walker had put inside his keyhole. Underneath was the word itself 'live'. Doug intended to do just that.

"I've decided to travel, by myself." Doug told him. "I hope you don't think I'm abandoning you here, because you're with me everywhere I go." He wiped at his eyes. "Thank you for showing me what it means to love. I'll never forget any of it. I hope you're at peace now." His fingernails were black with dirt but that was how he liked it.

He stood up, helmet underneath his arm. "Thank you, Simon. For everything." He turned away to the road, throwing his leg over the motorcycle's seat. He remembered Walker telling him how he'd gone all over to find her again after Joel and Theresa had stolen her. She was his pride and joy, except Doug himself. When Doug had travelled to the address and found her there, his heart had lifted. Walker had left a piece of himself behind, something for Doug to hold onto.

He started the engine, not sure where he would travel to first but knowing it would be far away from here. Nowhere had never sounded so perfect. He left the helmet at the back for today, breathing in the world around him and knowing that some day, he would be okay.

xxx

**A/N: **Just a quick note. I planned this chapter long before the spoilers we got last night so any similarities with the police shooting is coincidence, a pretty freaky one if I'm honest! Anyway, thank you again for reading!


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